Is The Ring You Chose Really Perfect?

Is The Ring You Chose Really Perfect?

The thought of getting down on bended knees and proposing to his girl can leave any man a nervous wreck. Not nervous because he has to propose, but nervous what her reply will be!

Even if you're pretty sure what she'll say, it never hurts to have a great engagement ring to tip the scales in your favour. However, unless you let your woman pick out her engagement ring on her own (and ruin the surprise), finding the perfect ring can be quite a task. Here are some things to keep in mind when looking for an engagement ring that is perfect for your woman.

It's got to be diamond: Your wedding rings may be simple gold bands, but as far as the engagement ring goes, it has to be diamond. If your budget doesn't stretch to a solitaire, you can choose a ring with smaller diamonds and other semi-precious stones such as ruby, emerald, pearls etc. But make sure there are diamonds somewhere!

Do your homework: Know what your partner's tastes and preferences are towards jewellery. For instance, if you see your partner wearing yellow gold most of the time, then you should look for a diamond set in yellow gold. However, if your partner seems to have a liking for white coloured jewellery, your diamond ring should be set in white gold or platinum.

Also, your partner's style has a lot to do with the ring you buy for them. If they like trendy stuff and want the latest fashions, you should pick a ring that has a modern and contemporary look. A tiffany style engagement ring is a good example. If your partner is more traditional and favours old world fashion, then an antique looking ring or a classic round brilliant cut solitaire is your best bet.

Pay attention to size: Make sure you know exactly what size ring your partner wears. Even the prettiest of engagement rings will be useless if it doesn't sit well on your beloved's finger, or heaven forbid doesn't fit her when you propose! If you don't want to give away the surprise element, get her sister or a friend to size your partner's finger for you and do so discreetly.

The size and cut of the diamond also plays an important role. Diamonds cut in the shape of a marquise or an oval tend to make short fingers appear longer and sleeker. A wide band ring makes fingers look much shorter than they actually are. So, do know what type of hands and fingers your partner has and choose a ring accordingly.

Get the maximum for your money: If you want the maximum bang for your buck, you may want to look at a bigger diamond with a slightly shallower cut rather than a deep cut diamond which looks much smaller in size. As long as the cut is not too shallow, the diamond will shine brilliantly.


In spite of all this if you still can't figure out which ring to buy for your partner, pop the question with a loose diamond in her favourite cut (the largest your money can buy) and let her pick her own ring setting after she agrees to marry you!

Looking for a meaningful relationship online?

Looking for a meaningful relationship online?

There are many dangers in online dating that may occur because of the anonymity. On the net we also are unable to recognize the physical cues that we see in everyday life, such as body language, dress, personal hygiene, tone of voice and how we are able to judge verbal statements. It is also possible that people can be looking for various things, one person may be looking for a meaningful relationship while the other may be looking for some thing completely different.

Precautions:

Use security first-maintain a degree of anonymity

If you are emailing your online dating partner-use free email services like hotmail

Do not use details like surnames, phone numbers and addresses

Use honesty-do not lie or exaggerate

Offer references and perform background checks.

Note the content of the emails-if they are general in their content there may be a problem, women are more influenced by words and men are influenced by images-be careful of persuasive writers.

Beware of each other's expectations and intentions.

Talk on the phone a few times before arranging a meeting.

Do not believe everything you read online. You can be anything or anyone you want to be online. That tall,dark,handsome 24-year-old guy may not be tall, may not be 24 and most importantly, may not be a guy.

Listen to yourself. All of us have an inner voice which tells you what to do. And more than often it's right. So listen to it.. even if it is feeble.

Looking for a meaningful relationship online?

Looking for a meaningful relationship online?

There are many dangers in online dating that may occur because of the anonymity. On the net we also are unable to recognize the physical cues that we see in everyday life, such as body language, dress, personal hygiene, tone of voice and how we are able to judge verbal statements. It is also possible that people can be looking for various things, one person may be looking for a meaningful relationship while the other may be looking for some thing completely different.

Precautions:

Use security first-maintain a degree of anonymity

If you are emailing your online dating partner-use free email services like hotmail

Do not use details like surnames, phone numbers and addresses

Use honesty-do not lie or exaggerate

Offer references and perform background checks.

Note the content of the emails-if they are general in their content there may be a problem, women are more influenced by words and men are influenced by images-be careful of persuasive writers.

Beware of each other's expectations and intentions.

Talk on the phone a few times before arranging a meeting.

Do not believe everything you read on line. You can be anything or anyone you want to be on line. That tall,dark,handsome 24-year-old guy may not be tall, may not be 24 and most importantly, may not be a guy.

Listen to yourself. All of us have an inner voice which tells you what to do. And more than often it's right. So listen to it.. even if it is feeble.

10 secrets to a happy marriage

10 secrets to a happy marriage

Avoid nagging. This is the age old NO-NO. A marriage can never be on smooth tracks if either of you is in the habit of nagging. If an important issue has to be dealt with it can be done firmly without repeating and re-repeating. Here are some other good tips for a happy marriage:

Avoid arguments of in-laws. This is definitely a very sensitive area. Always steer clear if you want peace to prevail. Each partner is always on the defensive where his/her relatives are concerned. So why tread on thin ice?

Give gifts. No better 'bribe' than a gift! There can be a gift for every occasion. Fights, love statements, thank you, can all be expressed with a gift. This all in addition to the regular birthday, anniversary, Valentine Day gifts that are de rigueur.

Show your pleasure / appreciation when given gifts. Say a thank you when you receive a gift. Think of all the time and effort taken in having gone out and purchased that gift. There may be times when you do not think highly of the gift but please even if you have to fake it - show your appreciation. It will gladden your partner's heart.

Avoid detailed questioning about work, business etc. Be there for your partner if he / she needs you, but don't add on to the pressure.

Try and identify stressful phases. Make yourself available to your partner at such times.

Prepare favourite dishes on and off. A good meal can put anyone in a great mood. And while the way to his heart may be through his stomach... she is no different!

In an argument check your temper. Things said in anger leave an indelible impression. Even if you regret your words later, you can't take them back.

Let there be a balance between give and take. It's all about reciprocity. You give some, you get some. If either partner is a giver or a taker only, the balance will be lost.

Take holidays. Take a break from work and go for a holiday to spend time off together, away from the daily rigmarole. It will rejuvenate your relationship.

10 beauty tips for the Indian bride-to-be

10 beauty tips for the Indian bride-to-be
17 Nov 2008 3:50 PM by Sachin Gupta in Wedding
Decide on your choice of beautician well in advance so that she begins with you well before the date. This also helps the beautician to organise herself as well as get acquainted with the client, which is very important. She not only gets to know her preferences as regards her hair-do, make-up and clothes but also gets to know her as a person.

If you have a chronic pimple problem or any other skin problem see a doctor first then your beautician as pimples are primarily related to bad digestion. Begin your skin care routine by cleansing your face with a mixture of natural products like curd, besan, haldi, honey, milk and limejuice. Apply this after washing your face with a gentle face wash.

When you return home after a hectic day of shopping, wash your face and apply sandalwood paste.

Do not indulge in junk or fried foods at least for about three months prior to your wedding day.

Take care of your hair by either wearing a scarf or a cap when outdoors. A good shampoo and conditioner at least twice or thrice a week is essential. Plus get a warm oil massage every few days to keep the lustre and sheen. Nothing like a good egg yolk rubbed in your scalp. This will give it the shine and bounce, as it is a great conditioner.

Make sure you are not constipated as this will show on your face.

If you plan on wearing a sari for the occasion, practice the art of wearing the sari along with your jewellery and the high heels so that you get used to it. Very often the sari is so heavy that if worn at the last minute the bride just cannot sit or stand comfortably.

If you plan on wearing cosmetic lenses for your marriage, do practice wearing them well ahead of time. Very often it so happens that lenses cause red eyes or watering from the eyes.

A complete hair, make-up and dress trial at least four months as a lot of loose ends can be tied up. Besides if you wish to make some changes it may not be possible at the last moment.

Have you Talked with Your Child Today?

Have you Talked with Your Child Today?
By Dr. Aisha Hamdan





Have you had a meaningful conversation together? Do you know what your child accomplished today, how he (or she) may be feeling, whether or not he has any concerns? Does your child know that you care about him?

In Islam, the ties of kinship and family are very strong and something that will always be present throughout our lifetime. There are very serious consequences for someone who decides to break these ties.

Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, says,

"Then, is it to be expected of you, if you were put in authority, that you will do mischief in the land, and break your ties of kith and kin? Such are the men whom Allah has cursed for He has made them deaf and blinded their sight." [47:22-23].

The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said,

"Whoever severs the bonds of kinship will not enter Paradise." (Bukhari and Muslim).

A major component of our familial ties is communication. In fact, without communication there would be little connection between people. Living together in the same household with limited, or even hostile, interaction would not fit the criteria for maintaining the bonds of kinship. To develop meaningful relationships within our families we need to know how to communicate effectively and sincerely with each other. A large part of this involves skills and principles that can be learned through practice and sincere effort. The following is a guide to strengthen these ties that bind.

1) Active Listening

You may be surprised to discover that the most important aspect of effective communication is listening. This means that the listener pays full attention to the speaker and attempts to understand what that person is saying and feeling. The listener should suspend judgment, show interest, and respect what is being said. He or she may then restate the content and feelings to demonstrate that sincerity is present.

The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, always gave his full attention to anyone that he conversed with, even his enemies and those with whom he disagreed. When he addressed his companions, they listened intently and attached importance to everything he said.

2) Level of Understanding

Parents should always keep in mind the age and level of understanding of their child and should speak with him accordingly. The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said,

"Speak to the people keeping in view their level of understanding. Would you like to see them think of what you tell them from Allah and His Messenger as lies?" (Bukhari)

This is important so that the child will be able to comprehend what is said, the expectations of the parents will not go beyond the capacity of the child and lead to problems, and difficulties will not be placed upon the child unnecessarily. This is particularly pertinent for sensitive issues such as death, personal modesty issues, and adult responsibilities. There are various levels of complexity with each of these and the correct level needs to be chosen for each child. One way to ascertain this is by the type of questions that a child asks.

3) The Manners of a Mu'min

A believer is someone who believes in Allah's Message and follows the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam. In relationships then, a believer would demonstrate honesty, kindness, patience, self-restraint, fairness, and trustworthiness. He would avoid teasing, blaming, belittling, mocking, excessive and idle talk, and fault-finding.

There are many Qur'anic verses and ahadeeth that give detailed descriptions of this topic such as:

"Verily, Allah is with the patient." [2: 153],

"Speak fair to the people." [2:83],

"Kind words and covering of faults are better than charity followed by injury." [2:263],

"A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim. He does not wrong him, nor insult him nor humiliate him." (Muslim), and

"The thing which will make the majority of people enter Paradise is fear of Allah and good manners." (Tirmithi)

These principles should be applied in conversations with children and teenagers as well as adults. It is probably even more important with young people because we are setting an example for them. What do we want our children to learn? We cannot expect kindness and respect from our children if we are not being kind and respectful toward them.

4) Avoiding Contention

The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, said,

"If a man gives up contention when he is in the wrong, a house will be built for him within the Garden of Paradise; but if a man gives up contention, even when he is in the right, a house will be built for him in the loftiest part of the Garden." (Termithi)

The value of this advice lies in the fact that contention and disputes lead to a breakdown in the relationship, even rancor, enmity, and hostility. I have worked with many families where this has occurred and it can be very difficult to mend the wounds that have been created and to bring family members back together. It goes without saying that it is best to completely avoid reaching this low level.

Let us all work to improve our style of communication and our relationships with each other. When our children feel that their parents understand them and are willing to listen to them, they will open up their hearts and trust will develop. Effective teaching and discipline cannot be implemented without a certain level of trust, understanding, and mutual respect.

If you are concerned about your children in a non-Muslim environment and it is affecting the way you interact with them, the best you can do is teach and advise them, give them responsibility, trust them, and let them know that you care for them. We can then make du'a and rely upon Allah's Grace and Assistance.

This is our best weapon in a world of non-belief. May Allah help each of us to strengthen the ties that bind us together as a family and bring happiness and contentment to our homes.

PRACTICAL TIPS:

Set aside some time each day to talk with your child. If you have more than one child, each should have their own equal, individual time.

Read books with your child about Islam that pertain to relationships with others and stories about the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhe wa sallam, and the companions, radiallaahu anhum. These will provide you with the necessary guidelines and inspiration.

Tape record one of your conversations and rate yourself or have other give you feedback. This is an effective method to determine your weak areas and to improve upon them.

Obtain advice from other parents when needed, especially those who have more experience. This may save time and avoid undue hardships and pain.

THE GOOD SHEPHERDS:

THE GOOD SHEPHERDS:
Choosing the Correct Path for Our Children
By Ruqayyah bint Joan


It is narrated that a man came to a knowledgeable person from among our pious predecessors and asked him, "I just had a child, what should I do?" The answer came, "If you are just now asking this question, then you have already lost."

This narration shows how serious Muslims used to be about raising children. So much so that they told this man, who had just had a child that he had lost. This is because they believed correctly that the proper upbringing of a child begins even before the child is conceived. It begins by us being good Muslims ourselves, choosing good mates and educating ourselves about Islam, and how to be good parents and how to raise good Muslim children. Unfortunately, many Muslim parents today do not understand the importance of raising good Muslim children the way they should. This is why we find young Muslim girls giggling while talking to boys, talking about "he's sooo cute" and "I think he likes me." We find that young Muslim boys are getting Muslim and non-Muslim girls pregnant out of wedlock, and we find Muslim children of all ages turning to their parents and asking, "How much longer do I have to be Muslim?" Or, "I can't wait to get out of this house and stop practicing this stupid religion." (We seek protection from Allah from this.)

A while ago, a Muslim sister came to me seeking advice about what to do about her daughter who had run away from home to be with her Muslim 'boyfriend.' What could I say to her, except what the knowledgeable men had said to that man who came to them asking the same question, you have already lost.

As we go about our daily lives, pursuing our occupations as homemakers, doctors, businessmen, teachers or whatever they may be, how often do we forget that the most important job we have is being a shepherd, and that it is this job that Allah will call us to account for on the Day of Judgment. For Allah's Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said,

"All of you are shepherds and each one is responsible for his flock. A leader of a people is a shepherd and responsible for them. A man is a shepherd over his family and is responsible for them. A woman is a shepherd over her husband's house and his children and she is responsible for them. And a servant is a guardian over his master's property and is responsible for it. So all of you are guardians and are responsible for your charges." (Bukhari)

As parents, Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, has made us responsible for our families. It is the primary responsibility of parents to raise their children as Muslims. And therefore, as shepherds we must never give our children the impression that Islam is merely a series of rituals to be done in a certain way, day in, and day out. Rather, we should be keen to tell them and to convey to them Islam as a complete way of life, and it is the way of life that brings about true peace and happiness, in this world as well as the hereafter.

As shepherds, we must realize that it is our responsibility to guide our flock and to keep them away from the prohibited pastures. "Whoever indulges in these suspicious things is like a shepherd who grazes (his animals) near the hima (private pasture) of someone else and at any moment he is liable to get in it. (O people) Beware! Every King has a hima and the hima of Allah on the earth is His illegal (forbidden) things." (Bukhari)

Are we allowing our flocks to graze in the hima (prohited things) of Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala? Are we allowing our teenage daughter to go out without the proper hijab, or our teenage sons to talk to girls on the phone, because we are in America and everybody does it? Or more importantly, are we allowing them to do these things, because we ourselves do not find anything wrong with them?

Many parents feel as though they have fulfilled their duty of being a good shepherds (raising good Muslim children) by simply enrolling their children in the "Islamic Sunday School" at the local masjid. What we tend to forget is, children develop their opinions of Islam from the attitudes of their parents, and the importance that Islam is given in the home.

As parents, are we outraged when our children bring home bad grades from school, yet we are indifferent when that same child misses salah. Are we more concerned with our child's place in Harvard than we are with his place in the hereafter? Are our homes places where the Qur'an is only dusted off for the ritualistic reading during the month of Ramadhan? Is it a place where only fard salahs are observed and Allah and His Messenger are almost never mentioned? Then we are teaching our children that Islam is only worth a few hours on a Sunday morning, so we shouldn't be surprised when they begin to treat it that way.

So, how do we become good shepherds? The first step is to make a self-evaluation. We need to ask ourselves, are my feelings about Islam in accordance to what Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, requires of me? Does my action match my speech? How much of my time do I spend learning about Islam and/or worshiping Allah? Only after affirming the strengths and weaknesses of our own Islam and constantly striving in our practice of Islam, can we begin to guide our flock on the path that is pleasing to Allah.

As parents and as shepherds our primary responsibility is fulfilling the commands of Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, "O you who believe, save yourselves and your families from the fire." [66:6] Our flocks are the future of this deen. Are we raising them to be good shepherds?

Putting Islam into Your Child's Summer Fun

Putting Islam into Your Child's Summer Fun
By Maysoon Zaza


Every spring, school-age children practice their counting skills-the daily count down before summer break. Children view summer as a time of carefree play, little responsibility, and little structure. But is this the best course for parents to treat their children's summer vacation?

Children who attend school during the academic year are used to 180 days, 8 hours a day; 5 days a week structured environment. Therefore, the summer can be boring for a child if left in a totally unstructured environment. In addition, with a little creativity there are endless opportunities for incorporating fun learning activities that utilize Islamic concepts into a child's summer days. These activities can range from Islamic day-camps and trips overseas to parent organized activities with other Muslim children within the same community.

Not only does this provide an Islamic environment for children to have fun and socialize with other Muslim children; it can also help provide children with the necessary knowledge to guide them to the straight path.

Dr. Aisha Hamdan, a professor of clinical Adolescent and Child Psychology, believes that Muslims in the West are too soft on their children in the area of Islamic knowledge. She is a strong advocate of the Ummah developing scholars at young ages. For example, we have all heard of children who have memorized the Qur'an at a young age in traditionally Muslim countries; but how many of us have heard of a child in the West accomplish this task? The merits of obtaining Islamic knowledge in the Qur'an and Sunnah are numerous. The Qur'an states,

"...Allah will exalt in degree those of you who believe and those who have been granted knowledge..." [58:11].

Another example is reported by Katheer ibn Qays who said, "I was sitting in the company of Abu Dardaa in the masjid in Damascus when a man came and said, 'Abu Dardaa, I have come to you from the City of Allah's Messenger; I have not come for any need but I was told that you narrated a hadeeth from Allah's Messenger.' Abu Dardaa then said, "I heard Allah's Messenger saying,

'He who treads a path in search of knowledge, Allah will direct him to tread a path from the paths of Paradise, and the angels would accord welcome to the seekers of knowledge, and all that is found in the heavens and the earth and even the fish in the depth of the water seek forgiveness for the scholar. And the superiority of the scholar over the worshipper is like that of the full moon at night over the rest of the stars, and verily the scholars are the heirs of the Prophets who left behind neither dinar nor Dirham. They only left knowledge as their heritage; so whoever acquired it has acquired a huge fortune'." (Ahmad, Abu Dawud, and Ibn Majah).

It is imperative that the parents teach their children Islamic knowledge. Furthermore, because of the additional time, summer provides an excellent opportunity for families and children to focus on obtaining Islamic knowledge. While this includes Qur'an, Arabic, prayer, and fasting, it also includes such necessary items as learning Islamic Adaab (manners) and Akhlaaq (moral development).

Another important issue is that children also need to be provided with Islamic activities that incorporate socializing with other Muslim children. After all, socialization is an important part of childhood. It can also play an important role in the development of a child's overall Islamic identity.

Dr. Hamdan believes that socializing with other Muslim children over the summer is especially important for the child attending public school. "This may be the only time for children attending public school to socialize with other Muslim children." This re-emphasizes that it is essential that parents monitor what types of experiences are available for their children.

According to brother Riyad Shamma, the National Advisor of Muslim Youth of North America (MYNA), it is important that children get the message at an early age that Islamic activities and socialization with other Muslim children is an important part of childhood. Parents need to make the extra effort to make this a reality for their children. According to brother Riyad, "this means that if a parent needs to drive an hour to get to some event, (then) do it. It's amazing how much even young children will pick up on the importance of getting together with other Muslim children."

Brother Riyad also suggests that parents need to make the effort to participate in their children's activities. With parental participation, activities tend to run much smoother. Furthermore, parents participating in their children's activities provide the perfect opportunity for parents to have fun with their children while leaving behind the usual day-to- day routine of every day life.

Travel Overseas

While book work and classroom instruction is an important part of acquiring Islamic knowledge for children, so is learning about Islam through life experiences. For some parents who have the financial means, traveling overseas to visit relatives, perform 'Umrah, or attend summer Arabic language programs are methods of acquiring Islamic knowledge.

Two years ago, brother Atif Sawaie discovered that when he took his five-years-old son Raji to Jordan, Raji's Arabic language skills improved 30% during his one-month visit. "When he first went to Jordan he know very little Arabic. At the end of the visit he was able to communicate most of his needs to our family in Arabic."

One of the reasons for Raji's dramatic language growth was his interaction with other children. While initially there was a small degree of language miscommunication between the children, by the end of the visit any problems from language differences were nonexistent. Furthermore, Raji viewed the trip as being very positive and a lot of fun. Brother Atif very strongly recommends traveling overseas with your children. He believes that this is his son's best chance to learn Arabic.

Other positive learning experiences included learning both Islamic manners and Arabic culture. However, for Raji, "traveling overseas makes my heritage more real not just stories." Raji is planning on returning to Jordan this summer for the full summer, insha Allah.

Improving one's Arabic language skills is not the only benefit from traveling overseas. For example, children can learn a great deal about Islamic history from visiting a variety of Islamic attractions. If a family visits Madinah while making Umrah, they could explore the events that surrounded the founding of the Prophet's Masjid.

Other types of learning could include Islamic architecture and art from visiting famous masajid and Museums. This does not include the mere fact that children are going to gain a sense of Islamic identity from visiting a country where the majority of inhabitants are Muslim. There is nothing like hearing the Athaan five times a day instead of looking on a prayer calendar.

In addition, adolescent females have a tendency to feel more comfortable outdoors when they blend into the crowd rather then being the one who dresses "strange". The best thing to remember when traveling overseas to acquire Islamic knowledge is that the possibilities for learning are only limited by one's creativity, finances, and time.

Plan Organized Community Activities

A sister living overseas once described the United States as the "land of Islamic conferences." If traveling overseas is not an option, perhaps a family vacation at an Islamic conference or camp would help family members acquire Islamic knowledge and experience an Islamic environment. Many national organizations hold mini-conventions, workshops, or camps during the summer months.

For example, the Qur'an and Sunnah Society (QSS) traditionally holds a summer camp for the whole family. These camps usually center on a specific theme while having scholars give a variety of lectures. In addition, there is usually a separate education/fun program for children. Another organization that holds organized lectures in different locations is the Islamic Assembly of North America (IANA). The topics and locations tend to vary year to year. Of course, many Muslims in the West look forward to the Islamic Society of North America's (ISNA) annual convention during the Labor Day weekend.

Another option may be an organized day or overnight camp for your child. A national organization or local Islamic communities run these camps. Muslim Youth of North America (MYNA) is one national organization that plans and conducts a series of mini-camps for children age 12-18 in a variety of locations throughout the United States and Canada.

These camps tend to focus on the fun activities while maintaining an Islamic environment and experience. According to brother Riyad Shamma the benefits of an Islamic environment are tremendous for the child. "An Islamic environment brings out the very best in people," he said.

Plan your Own Activities

While some parents opt for trips overseas, organized Islamic camps, or attend Islamic conferences, the majority of parents end up planning their own children's activities for the summer. For most, the typical summer activities and day trips include going to the zoo, parks, library, museums, and other historical attractions. It is possible to incorporate Islamic concepts in these activities. It just takes a little creativity and organization.

Furthermore, with some additional planning, why not expand your activities to include other children within your community? For example, why not plan a picnic at the park for several families in your community. Besides the usual activities that center around food and free play- several mothers could plan an activity for the children that utilizes an Islamic theme (i.e., Qur'an recitation or a game that relies on Islamic knowledge).

Another meaningful activity is to organize an Islamic Scouting Troop for your community. The Islamic Council on Scouting in cooperation with the Boy Scouts of America has developed a Scouting program for Muslim youth based upon Islamic teachings. This program is led by local unit leaders chosen from the community. In addition, youth are encouraged to earn emblems and awards, which are based upon Islamic teaching. This program provides an excellent opportunity for our youth to become actively involved within our communities from an early age.

Other activities which may be of interest for older children is to donate their time and energy to improving their local communities. Such activities could include tutoring English to non-English speaking brothers and sisters, cleaning the Masjid once a month, or grocery shopping for a sick Muslim. These types of activities help lay the foundation for children to learn the importance of helping our fellow Muslims.

"You will see (on the Day of Resurrection), the polytheists and wrongdoers fearful of that which they have earned, and it (Allah's Torment) will surely, befall them. But those who believe (in the Oneness of Allah-Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous deeds (will be) in the flowering meadows of the Garden (Paradise). They shall have whatever they desire with their Lord. That is the supreme Grace (Paradise) [42:22]

Planning group activities for youth is not as complex as it is seems. The key is organization and cooperation of several other community members. Planning a large group activity can be overwhelming for even the most organized individual. Delegation of responsibilities and tasks is a must for any successful program. Therefore, it is imperative to develop a planning committee as the first step in planning any large activity.

The second most important factor is to look at the needs of the community. What are the needs for the children? What are the age ranges of the children? What types of activities interest the children? What are the resources and finances for the activity? Other important factors include the type of activity (fun and/or education) and the duration of the activity. These are all important issues that must be addressed in planning an activity.

Finally, it is time to develop a plan of action with attainable deadlines. It is important to plan activities in advance in order to work out any unexpected problems. Last minute planning can become frantic and less enjoyable for all. Furthermore, tasks should be delegated to specific individuals within the planning committee. Larger activities may need subcommittees to carryout a variety of tasks.

Planning and implementing plans does not have to be an adult-only adventure. Try to involve the children as much as possible. This is especially important for the teenagers. When motivated, they have good ideas about what activities would benefit them not to mention they tend to be very zealous planners. More importantly, by involving older children in the process you are teaching them valuable skills in organization and planning which they can utilize in the Ummah as adults.

In conclusion, Summer lends itself as a perfect time for family activities. Why not use this opportunity to acquire Islamic knowledge, do righteous deeds and have fun at the same time? The benefits are enormous. Besides creating stronger family bonds, it may also gain additional blessings and good deeds for the Day of Judgment.

One obtains the benefits from the activity by the intention put into the activity. From Umar ibn al-Khattab who said that Allah's Messenger said, "Actions are according to intentions, and for every person is that which he intended. So he whose migration was for Allah and his Messenger, then his migration was for Allah and His Messenger, and he whose migration was to attain some worldly goal or to take a woman in marriage, then his migration was for that which he migrated." (Bukhari).

Identity of Married Women

Identity of Married Women
from The Concept of Family in Islam
by A. D. Ajilola
The matter of preserving a person's true identity seems somehow epitomized in the position of the married woman in Islam. For while she takes on a new marital identity and may be called wife of so and so, she still retains her old lineal one.

In Islam there is nothing stating that a married woman should bear her husband's name, like Mrs Ajilola, she can easily bear Miss Musson, her maiden name.

Also thre is nothing suggesting that a child should bear his father's name; as Mr Abdul-Kareem Ajilola; he can equally bear Mr Abdul-Kareem Musson or any of his maternal relative name.

A marriage is a contract, it is not a means of diffusion of identity of the parties, as it is practised in European countries.

In pre-Islamic Arabia and among the Semites in general, matrilineality was more or less observed either exclusively or together with patrilineality. This practice even continued into Islam in some instances. For example, al Hasan ibn Ali was often called the Prophet's daughter's son, a title of honour in this case.

However a closer examination of Arabic literature suggests to some scholars that when a pre-Islamic Arabian was named after his mother or called the son of the mother of so and so e.g. ibn Hind or ibn Ummzayd, ie, the son of his mother Hind or the son of Zayd's mother respectively, it was due to one or more of the following reasons:

a) It was an expression of honour for and appreciation of the mother.

b) It was a status symbol for some Arabs to take pride in the true or alleged noble stock of their mothers.

c) Sometimes the mother was more renowned than the father, and the children were thus believed ennobled by affixing their mothers' names to their own.

d) Sometimes, also, the mother resided with her own family for orientation after divorce or desertion by the childrens' father, in which case they were identified for all practical purposes by the mother's name.

e) In some cases the father was survived by his own mother or mother-in-law, who then undertook the upbringing of her grandchildren, and they were identified by her name in addition to their own given names.

So the present method of regarding husband and wife as one entity or to force a woman to be bearing her husband's name and identity has no support in Islam; although Islam is not against it. Islam is neutral in this matter.

Wife Beating?

Wife Beating?
By Dr. Jamal Badawi



In the event of a family dispute, the Qur'an exhorts the husband to treat his wife kindly and not overlook her POSITIVE ASPECTS (see Qur'an 4:19). If the problem relates to the wife's behavior, her husband may exhort her and appeal for reason. In most cases, this measure is likely to be sufficient. In cases where the problem continues, the husband may express his displeasure in another peaceful manner, by sleeping in a separate bed from hers. There are cases, however, in which a wife persists in deliberate mistreatment and expresses contempt of her husband and disregard for her marital obligations. Instead of divorce, the husband may resort to another measure that may save the marriage, at least in some cases. Such a measure is more accurately described as a gentle tap on the body, but NEVER ON THE FACE, making it more of a symbolic measure then a punitive one. Following is the related Qur'anic text:

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women. because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next) do not share their beds, (and last) beat (tap) them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High, Great (above you all). (4:34)

Even here, that maximum measure is limited by the following:

a. It must be seen as A RARE EXCEPTION TO THE REPEATED EXHORTATION OF MUTUAL RESPECT, KINDNESS AND GOOD TREATMENT, discussed earlier. Based on the Qur'an and hadith this measure may be used in the cases of lewdness on the part of the wife or extreme refraction and rejection of the husband's reasonable requests on a consistent basis (nushuz). Even then, other measures, such as exhortation, should be tried first.

b. As defined by hadith, it is NOT PERMISSIBLE TO STRIKE ANYONE'S FACE, CAUSE ANY BODILY HARM OR EVEN BE HARSH. What the hadith qualified as dharban ghayra mubarrih, or light striking, was interpreted by early jurists as a (symbolic) use of miswak (a small natural toothbrush)! They further qualified permissible "striking" as that which leaves no mark on the body. It is interesting that this latter fourteen-centuries-old qualifier is the criterion used in contemporary American law to separate a light and harmless tap or strike from "abuse" in the legal sense. This makes it clear that even this extreme, last resort, and "lesser of the two evils" measure that may save a marriage does not meet the definitions of "physical abuse," "family violence, " or "wife battering" in the 20th century law in liberal democracies, where such extremes are so commonplace that they are seen as national concerns.

c. The permissibility of such symbolic expression of the seriousness of continued refraction DOES NOT IMPLY ITS DESIRABILITY. In several ahadith, Prophet Muhammad (P) discouraged this measure. Among his sayings are the following: "Do not beat the female servants of Allah;" "Some (women) visited my family complaining about their husbands (beating them). These (husbands) are not the best of you;" and"[It is not a shame that] one of you beats his wife like [an unscrupulous person] beats a slave and maybe he sleeps with her at the end of the day." (See Riyadh Al-Saliheen, op.cit,p.p. 137-140). In another hadith the Prophet(P) said

...How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?... (Sahih Al-Bukhari,op.cit., vol.8.hadith 68,pp.42-43).

d. True following of the sunnah is to follow the example of the Prophet Muhammad (P), who NEVER RESORTED TO THAT MEASURE, regardless of the circumstances.

e. Islamic teachings are universal in nature. They respond to the needs and circumstances of diverse times, cultures and circumstances. Some measures may work in some cases and cultures or with certain persons but may not be effective in others. by definition, a "permissible" act is neither required, encouraged or forbidden. In fact it may be BETTER TO SPELL OUT THE EXTENT of permissibility, such as in the issue at hand, rather than leaving it unrestricted and unqualified, or ignoring it all together. In the absence of strict qualifiers, persons may interpret the matter in their own way, which can lead to excesses and real abuse.

f. Any excess, cruelty, family violence, or abuse committed by any "Muslim" can never be traced, honestly, to any revelatory text (Qur'an or hadith). Such EXCESSES AND VIOLATIONS ARE TO BE BLAMED ON THE PERSON(S) HIMSELF, as it shows that they are paying lip service to Islamic teachings and injunctions and failing to follow the true Sunnah of the Prophet (P).