Oriya Wedding Ceremony
Located on the east coast of India, by the Bay of Bengal, Orissa is one of the most beautiful and stunning states of India. The people in Orissa believe in simple living and are not very extravagant and extrovert, which is well reflected in their lifestyle. Just like their lifestyle, a special occasion in Orissa such as wedding is also a simple affair. Though the basic ritual and the ceremony are akin to those practiced in Hindu marriage ceremony, there are differences in many aspects as well. Simplicity and straightforwardness characterize the Oriya weddings. Wedding is considered as a blissful affair and is solemnized with many rites and rituals.
Much like the other Indian weddings, Oriya weddings are also a prolonged occasion. The rituals and the customs do not just begin on the wedding day. Instead, they are a stretched affair and are carried out much before and after the D-Day as well. One of the unique characteristics found in Oriya wedding is that the mother of the bridegroom does not participate in it. Also, the aged female members in the family of the groom do not attend the wedding ceremony. While the Oriya Brahmins have their weddings in the daytime, the non-Brahmin prefer to ritual to take place in the evening or night. To know more about the traditional pre, per and post wedding ritual, browse through the following lines.
Oriya Pre Wedding Rituals
The simple lifestyle of the people of Orissa reflects in the occasion of marriage as well. Oriya wedding can be defines as a simple affair, free from any complexities and lavishness. However, even the simplest of weddings in India have a riot of rituals and ceremonies that are practiced, and Oriya wedding is no exception.
Oriya Wedding Rituals
Wedding in Orissa is a simple affair and is devoid of any extravaganza or opulence. Though the ceremony performed is much like those performed in the Hindu marriage ceremony, there are many different aspects to it. Simplicity and modesty are important factors that define an Oriya wedding. The rituals performed are not at all elaborate.
Oriya Post Wedding Rituals
Weddings are all about traditions and rituals that are spiced up with much enthusiasm and fervor. Talking about Oriya wedding, a blissful affair, the ceremonies in the wedding of this particular class of India, do not end with the wedding day. Instead, there are some important traditions that are carried out even after the wedding day.
Monday, 7 March 2011
Punjabi Wedding Ceremony
Punjabi Wedding Ceremony
Punjabis are large hearted people who love splendor and grandeur. They are also keen on festivals and celebrations. This nature of Punjabis also reflects in their marriage celebrations. Like other Indian weddings, a Punjabi marriage ceremony is very ritualistic but also full of fun and frolic. It is in fact one of the most colorful and musical marriage ceremonies in the country. Each ceremony is like an excuse for merriment. A Punjabi Wedding is very vibrant and celebrated like a big carnival, exhibiting splendid grandeur.
A Punjabi wedding ceremony begins with Roka which is very much like an engagement ceremony where both the family for the first time formally announces the prospective marriage. The Roka is then followed by celebrations like ‘Sagan’ and ‘Chunni Chadana’ performed at the groom’s and bride’s family respectively. The joy of a Punjabi wedding begins with the Sangeet and Mehndi ceremony from where the real fun and frolic starts. Bhangras and Giddas make a Punjabi wedding more colorful. Like other Hindu weddings phere and kanyadaan are important rituals of a Punjabi Wedding. A Punjabi Wedding ceremony solemnizes with Mangal Pheras and the bride is departed to her in laws home that very day.
Pre Wedding Punjabi Ritual
Punjabi marriage traditions are very elaborate and ritualistic. They begin days before the actual wedding day in the form of pre-wedding ceremonies. Roka is the first pre-wedding ceremony where the two families formally meet to finalize the relationship between the two families. Roka is then followed by a series of colorful and interesting occasions like ‘Sagan and Chunni Chadhana’.
Punjabi Wedding Rituals
Punjabi Wedding ceremony is an interesting ceremony full of several rituals and customs. The wedding preparations start day before the actual wedding ceremony. Overall, a Punjabi wedding is very vibrant and colorful. The wedding ceremony starts from the Chuda ceremony and at the groom’s place with Vatna ceremony.
Post-Wedding Punjabi Rituals
Punjabis love celebrations. Their marriage ceremonies are thus extremely grand and elaborate. Even after few days of marriage, the celebrations at the groom’s and bride’s places are on. The post wedding celebrations start right after the solemnization of marriage at the Mandap. Preparations for Vidaai and Ashwirwad ceremony go hand in hand. Once the couple is blessed by all the elderly people at home, the brother of the bride accompanies the couple for Vidaai to the main exit of their home.
Punjabis are large hearted people who love splendor and grandeur. They are also keen on festivals and celebrations. This nature of Punjabis also reflects in their marriage celebrations. Like other Indian weddings, a Punjabi marriage ceremony is very ritualistic but also full of fun and frolic. It is in fact one of the most colorful and musical marriage ceremonies in the country. Each ceremony is like an excuse for merriment. A Punjabi Wedding is very vibrant and celebrated like a big carnival, exhibiting splendid grandeur.
A Punjabi wedding ceremony begins with Roka which is very much like an engagement ceremony where both the family for the first time formally announces the prospective marriage. The Roka is then followed by celebrations like ‘Sagan’ and ‘Chunni Chadana’ performed at the groom’s and bride’s family respectively. The joy of a Punjabi wedding begins with the Sangeet and Mehndi ceremony from where the real fun and frolic starts. Bhangras and Giddas make a Punjabi wedding more colorful. Like other Hindu weddings phere and kanyadaan are important rituals of a Punjabi Wedding. A Punjabi Wedding ceremony solemnizes with Mangal Pheras and the bride is departed to her in laws home that very day.
Pre Wedding Punjabi Ritual
Punjabi marriage traditions are very elaborate and ritualistic. They begin days before the actual wedding day in the form of pre-wedding ceremonies. Roka is the first pre-wedding ceremony where the two families formally meet to finalize the relationship between the two families. Roka is then followed by a series of colorful and interesting occasions like ‘Sagan and Chunni Chadhana’.
Punjabi Wedding Rituals
Punjabi Wedding ceremony is an interesting ceremony full of several rituals and customs. The wedding preparations start day before the actual wedding ceremony. Overall, a Punjabi wedding is very vibrant and colorful. The wedding ceremony starts from the Chuda ceremony and at the groom’s place with Vatna ceremony.
Post-Wedding Punjabi Rituals
Punjabis love celebrations. Their marriage ceremonies are thus extremely grand and elaborate. Even after few days of marriage, the celebrations at the groom’s and bride’s places are on. The post wedding celebrations start right after the solemnization of marriage at the Mandap. Preparations for Vidaai and Ashwirwad ceremony go hand in hand. Once the couple is blessed by all the elderly people at home, the brother of the bride accompanies the couple for Vidaai to the main exit of their home.
Sindhi Wedding Ceremony
Sindhi Wedding Ceremony
Originally hailing from the Sapt Sindhu, the area of the Sindhu River, Sindhis have become one of the major business communities in India. Popularly found in and around metropolitan cities and townships, Sindhi people are basically Sanatani Hindus and do not follow Hindu rites strictly. In fact, Sindhi weddings are mostly based on Vedic rites. Sindhi wedding ceremony reflects the glimpses of Hinduism and Sufism. The marriage is usually a lavish affair, characterized by great pomp and show. In the community, there are special priests known as Mehraj, specializing in matchmaking and a Guryanni, who is mainly concerned with carrying the horoscopes of eligible boys and girls from house to house.
Sindhi weddings usually take place on an auspicious day, like the Satyanarayan Chandsi or the New Moon day. Traditionally, there are a number of rituals and customs that are performed pre, per and post the wedding day. The Sindhi customs mostly begin right from the time the prospective bride and the groom's family agree to the union, after matching the horoscopes of the two. A priest then fixes the date of wedding and both the families engage themselves in preparations and organizations for the marriage. Colorful customs dominate the wedding place, making it an interesting and enjoyable event. In this section, we have provided comprehensive information about the rituals and customs followed in a Sindhi wedding.
Sindhi Pre Wedding Rituals
Sindhi weddings take place amidst a lot of pomp and show. A lavish affair, the weddings are mostly colorful and traditional. Once the horoscopes of the prospective bride and the groom are matched, the date of the wedding day is fixed. Customs and rituals are not just restricted to the D-Day. In a Sindhi wedding, there are a lot of traditions that are performed well ahead of the wedding rituals.
Sindhi Wedding Rituals
Similar to a Hindu marriage, Sindhi weddings are a highly lavish affair and take place with a lot of flamboyance and gaiety. However, the traditions and rituals still dominate a Sindhi wedding. The customs practiced are not just limited to the wedding day and extend before and after the wedding as well. Mostly, the weddings take place on auspicious day such as the Satyanarayan Chandsi or the New Moon day.
Sindhi Post Wedding Rituals
Weddings are great time to make merry and reunite with the family members. Colorful and vibrant, Sindhi wedding rituals are extremely lively and just like marriages performed in other regions of India, extend even after the marriage. Mostly revolved around the bride, the rituals performed are great way to break the ice and make the bride comfortable in the new home and with the new family members.
Originally hailing from the Sapt Sindhu, the area of the Sindhu River, Sindhis have become one of the major business communities in India. Popularly found in and around metropolitan cities and townships, Sindhi people are basically Sanatani Hindus and do not follow Hindu rites strictly. In fact, Sindhi weddings are mostly based on Vedic rites. Sindhi wedding ceremony reflects the glimpses of Hinduism and Sufism. The marriage is usually a lavish affair, characterized by great pomp and show. In the community, there are special priests known as Mehraj, specializing in matchmaking and a Guryanni, who is mainly concerned with carrying the horoscopes of eligible boys and girls from house to house.
Sindhi weddings usually take place on an auspicious day, like the Satyanarayan Chandsi or the New Moon day. Traditionally, there are a number of rituals and customs that are performed pre, per and post the wedding day. The Sindhi customs mostly begin right from the time the prospective bride and the groom's family agree to the union, after matching the horoscopes of the two. A priest then fixes the date of wedding and both the families engage themselves in preparations and organizations for the marriage. Colorful customs dominate the wedding place, making it an interesting and enjoyable event. In this section, we have provided comprehensive information about the rituals and customs followed in a Sindhi wedding.
Sindhi Pre Wedding Rituals
Sindhi weddings take place amidst a lot of pomp and show. A lavish affair, the weddings are mostly colorful and traditional. Once the horoscopes of the prospective bride and the groom are matched, the date of the wedding day is fixed. Customs and rituals are not just restricted to the D-Day. In a Sindhi wedding, there are a lot of traditions that are performed well ahead of the wedding rituals.
Sindhi Wedding Rituals
Similar to a Hindu marriage, Sindhi weddings are a highly lavish affair and take place with a lot of flamboyance and gaiety. However, the traditions and rituals still dominate a Sindhi wedding. The customs practiced are not just limited to the wedding day and extend before and after the wedding as well. Mostly, the weddings take place on auspicious day such as the Satyanarayan Chandsi or the New Moon day.
Sindhi Post Wedding Rituals
Weddings are great time to make merry and reunite with the family members. Colorful and vibrant, Sindhi wedding rituals are extremely lively and just like marriages performed in other regions of India, extend even after the marriage. Mostly revolved around the bride, the rituals performed are great way to break the ice and make the bride comfortable in the new home and with the new family members.
Tamil Wedding Ceremony
Tamil Wedding Ceremony
Tamilians have their own rituals followed before, during and after the wedding, which look very vibrant. All the customs are followed with religious observance. All the people, right from the prospective bride and the groom to the family members, friends and relatives have the festive mood, which is set by the ceremony. The ambience is filled with nothing but happiness and celebration. The festive spirits are boosted up among the people, witnessing the ceremony, by the colorful and elaborate rituals that are conducted before, during and after the marriage.
The pre-marriage rituals followed by the Tamil speaking Brahmins include fasting, puja and exchange of gifts. The groom is received by the family of the bride. The wedding ceremony is also elaborate, which incorporates the rituals that are typical to the Brahmin community, such as oonjal, kashi yatra and kanyaadaan (wherein the bride sits on the lap of her father). Post-marriage, the bride and the groom are given treats and gifts. After swearing in as the wife, the bride enters the groom's home to prosper his life there. This is the way most of the marriages are conducted among the Tamil speaking Brahmins in India and all over the world. In this section, we have given detailed information on the traditional Tamil wedding ceremony.
Tamil Pre-Wedding Rituals
Tamil wedding is a vast affair, wherein a number of rituals are followed. Well before the wedding day, people (including the family members of the prospective bride and the groom) are engaged in the preparations of the ceremony, which is considered a very important turning point in the couple's life. This is the reason why, marriage is given supreme importance and a number of ceremonies are conducted before, during and after it.
Tamil Wedding Rituals
Tamil wedding rituals are very elaborate. They involve a number of ceremonies that are performed to ensure that the bride and the groom, who are going to tie the wedding knot, enter their new phase of life in the most elegant manner. A number of ceremonies revolve around the wedding, which is very charming to look at. Every stage of the rituals is performed with religious observance.
Tamil Post-Wedding Rituals
After organizing an enthralling wedding ceremony, the family of the bride and the groom head towards preparing the venue for the post-wedding celebrations. While grihapravesh is the post-marriage custom common in almost every region in India, the Tamil Brahmins have their own way of culminating the auspicious ceremony.
Tamilians have their own rituals followed before, during and after the wedding, which look very vibrant. All the customs are followed with religious observance. All the people, right from the prospective bride and the groom to the family members, friends and relatives have the festive mood, which is set by the ceremony. The ambience is filled with nothing but happiness and celebration. The festive spirits are boosted up among the people, witnessing the ceremony, by the colorful and elaborate rituals that are conducted before, during and after the marriage.
The pre-marriage rituals followed by the Tamil speaking Brahmins include fasting, puja and exchange of gifts. The groom is received by the family of the bride. The wedding ceremony is also elaborate, which incorporates the rituals that are typical to the Brahmin community, such as oonjal, kashi yatra and kanyaadaan (wherein the bride sits on the lap of her father). Post-marriage, the bride and the groom are given treats and gifts. After swearing in as the wife, the bride enters the groom's home to prosper his life there. This is the way most of the marriages are conducted among the Tamil speaking Brahmins in India and all over the world. In this section, we have given detailed information on the traditional Tamil wedding ceremony.
Tamil Pre-Wedding Rituals
Tamil wedding is a vast affair, wherein a number of rituals are followed. Well before the wedding day, people (including the family members of the prospective bride and the groom) are engaged in the preparations of the ceremony, which is considered a very important turning point in the couple's life. This is the reason why, marriage is given supreme importance and a number of ceremonies are conducted before, during and after it.
Tamil Wedding Rituals
Tamil wedding rituals are very elaborate. They involve a number of ceremonies that are performed to ensure that the bride and the groom, who are going to tie the wedding knot, enter their new phase of life in the most elegant manner. A number of ceremonies revolve around the wedding, which is very charming to look at. Every stage of the rituals is performed with religious observance.
Tamil Post-Wedding Rituals
After organizing an enthralling wedding ceremony, the family of the bride and the groom head towards preparing the venue for the post-wedding celebrations. While grihapravesh is the post-marriage custom common in almost every region in India, the Tamil Brahmins have their own way of culminating the auspicious ceremony.
Telugu Wedding Ceremony
Telugu Wedding Ceremony
The traditional Telugu wedding ceremony is organized in a unique way. It is an elaborate affair, wherein a number of rituals are conducted before, during and after the marriage. The preparations for the festive occasion start with the finalization of the wedding date, which is done well before the 'important day'. As a part of the customary, the Telugu people call on an astrologer to fix a date and time (muhurtham) for the auspicious occasion. This paves the way to the commencement of the preparations for the wedding, which are done in the most elaborate, colorful and vivacious way.
All the rituals conducted throughout the Telugu wedding ceremony hold religious significance. Each element in the ceremonies is connected with the other and is given special importance. Some people also conduct a couple of pujas prior to the wedding, so that the ceremony is organized without any hassle. This makes Telugu marriage a marvelous event to witness. One would be keen in looking at the way the bride is handed over to the groom by her father (kanyadaan) and the methods by which the groom ties the mangalsutra around her neck. In this section, we have given detailed information on the Telugu wedding ceremony.
Telugu Pre-Wedding Rituals
The rich and varied cultural heritage of Andhra Pradesh, a southern state of India, is reflected in the ceremonies conducted there. Almost every festivals are celebrated with religious observance, holding supreme importance in the lives of the residents of the state.
Telugu Wedding Rituals
The rituals conducted by the Telugu speaking people during the ceremonious occasion of wedding are different from those conducted in neighboring southern states of India. In Andhra Pradesh, the Telugu people follow their own traditions, while conducting a wedding. The bride's maternal uncle and her brother play a prominent role at the time of the her marriage.
Telugu Post-Wedding Rituals
The post-wedding rituals observed by the Telugu speaking people in India are very charming to look at. After the wedding ceremony is over, the bride enters the groom's house formally. She is given a hearty welcome by the groom's family members. The uniting of mangalsutra takes place after a fortnight.
The traditional Telugu wedding ceremony is organized in a unique way. It is an elaborate affair, wherein a number of rituals are conducted before, during and after the marriage. The preparations for the festive occasion start with the finalization of the wedding date, which is done well before the 'important day'. As a part of the customary, the Telugu people call on an astrologer to fix a date and time (muhurtham) for the auspicious occasion. This paves the way to the commencement of the preparations for the wedding, which are done in the most elaborate, colorful and vivacious way.
All the rituals conducted throughout the Telugu wedding ceremony hold religious significance. Each element in the ceremonies is connected with the other and is given special importance. Some people also conduct a couple of pujas prior to the wedding, so that the ceremony is organized without any hassle. This makes Telugu marriage a marvelous event to witness. One would be keen in looking at the way the bride is handed over to the groom by her father (kanyadaan) and the methods by which the groom ties the mangalsutra around her neck. In this section, we have given detailed information on the Telugu wedding ceremony.
Telugu Pre-Wedding Rituals
The rich and varied cultural heritage of Andhra Pradesh, a southern state of India, is reflected in the ceremonies conducted there. Almost every festivals are celebrated with religious observance, holding supreme importance in the lives of the residents of the state.
Telugu Wedding Rituals
The rituals conducted by the Telugu speaking people during the ceremonious occasion of wedding are different from those conducted in neighboring southern states of India. In Andhra Pradesh, the Telugu people follow their own traditions, while conducting a wedding. The bride's maternal uncle and her brother play a prominent role at the time of the her marriage.
Telugu Post-Wedding Rituals
The post-wedding rituals observed by the Telugu speaking people in India are very charming to look at. After the wedding ceremony is over, the bride enters the groom's house formally. She is given a hearty welcome by the groom's family members. The uniting of mangalsutra takes place after a fortnight.
Muslim College Life; Dating, Drinking and Deen
Muslim College Life; Dating, Drinking and Deen
By Huma Ahmad
Reprinted from Jannah.org
Freedom. Young people live for the day when they can move out of the house and go to college and finally be free. Freedom from their parents, from restrictions on their lifestyle, from everyone telling them what to do. This is why in college you find a whole generation that does what they want. Life's short they say, let's enjoy ourselves while we can.
So it goes for Muslims. In college you find the most amazing things, Muslims who don't pray, Muslims who date, Muslims who attend MSA meetings but go out to parties and drink. Why is this happening?
For one, when students go off to university they finally realize that what they beleived in was blind. Religion becomes like a fairytale, when they got old enough, they knew better than to believe in it. Most have little knowledge about Islam and have maybe memorized the right rituals to get by. Why beleive something on faith, they ask. After all we cannot see heaven or hell. How do we know Islam is right anyway?
Islamic culture to them means marrying someone they never knew. It means arranged marriages and never hanging out or having fun. For girls Islamic culture has even less to offer. It would mean double standards or having to serve a husband the rest of her life.
The western alternative to this looks alot more attractive. In western culture "love and romance" are supposedly everywhere. Everyone is out looking for love freely. Meeting someone, going out, seeking pleasure sounds alot better. But what about the downside? For love at first sight, you need to have the right image, the right hair, the right clothes. Girls have to aspire to be like the latest supermodels, they have to hold back age. Who's going out with who, what are my friends thinking, what will happen if I don't get the right girl or guy, what is my girlfriend or boyfriend thinking, all become important. Frustration, desperation, and unhappiness become the norm.
Imagine all the heartache youth would save if they followed the Islamic alternative. In true Islam, unlike culture, there is no gameplaying. If two people wish to be involved they are both straight with one another. Unlike what goes on today amongst some Muslims, they both meet each other and make a contract to marry. Women are treated with respect, there is no sexual bombardment like there is in western society. Sex in western culture is also often seen as a vice or a sin of the flesh. But even in religious Islam, sex is seen as natural. As long as it is in the right circumstances, when the two are committed to one another in marriage.
Drinking in college is also the norm unfortunately. If you don't drink or party you're seen as weird. Drinking is cool and a way for people to socialize, meet and have fun. The one who doesn't is less of a person and 'misses out'. Drinking and all the harms that come with it is cut off at the root in Islam. So many problems are avoided, accidents, pregnancy, violence and even rape for example.
In college and in the world, success in life is not seen in terms of religion. It is seen as what other people think, one's careers, how much money they make. If you are religious you must have failed at life. But why do we have this seperation? and this blindness in religion?
The Quran tells us again and again not to have blind faith, not to folllow the religion of our forefathers.
Yet, we as Muslims have stopped thinking. We may think about what our friends or other people will say, but we avoid thinking about the real issues. We spend so much time on the opposite sex, thinking about careers, money etc, but we forget to think about death and how much of this we will really be able to take with us?
"Every soul shall have a taste of death and only on the Day of Judgement shall you be paid your full recompense...for the life of this world is but goods and chattels of deception" (Quran 3:185)
Shouldn't we take the time to comtemplate what will happen to us after we hit the grave? After all, what is the point of life if we are not accountable for our actions? If there is no creator, what is the point of being honest or good.
If we really look at our life we see that everything is indefinate, getting a job, even living until tomorrow. In fact we could die anytime, this is a definate, the _only_ dead certain thing in our life. Most of us believe we can make up for our actions later or we can be religious later. We are gambling. The chances of our dying today are little, but the stakes are high. Allah reminds us of the importance of this, "O you who beleive, obey Allah as he should be obeyed, and die not except in a state of Islam" (Quran3:102)
Each of us needs to decide. Is Islam right or not? Why don't we take the time, just once, once in our lives to find out if Islam is right. Is the Quran from God or not? We can't see God, but is there a maker to all this? We need to study nature, and the world. We only live once, if Islam is wrong then we should leave it, but if it's right we shouldn't go halfway. We shouldn't go to a club thinking we are only going to 'hang out and are not doing anything wrong' then feel guilty about it later. We shouldn't go on a date or drink, then feel guilty about it, worrying about hellfire. If Islam is right, we should follow it.
On the Day of Judgement it will be us alone who will be asked about our actions. If Islam is right and we are not following this deen completely, we are injuring our own soul, both in this life and the next.
"Verily We have revealed the Book to thee in truth, for (instructing) mankind. He, then that receives guidance beinfits his own soul: but he that strays injurs his own soul..." Quran 39:41
This is the true definition of freedom. To learn about Islam and the world openly. To contemplate about life and death. And after learning the truth, obeying the word of God. "Those on whom knowledge has been bestowed may learn that the (Quran) is the truth from your Lord, and that they beleive therein, and their hearts may be made humbly (open)to it..." Quran 22:54
Once students have this rock-solid intellectual beleif in Islam, the corruptness and falseness of the people around them is clear. The beauty and wisdom of the islamic way, the best alternative is clear. What other's do is of less importance. If others think they were weird to pray or weird to be honest, they would still pray and still be honest because they know their deen.
The Prophet(SAW)'s famous hadith to 'seek knowledge even if it leads to china' or to 'seek knowledge from the cradle to the grave' is too often forgotten by students. Our Quran's are left on the top shelves, gathering dust. Sometimes the most it is read is when someone dies. How is this to help, when the guidance comes too late. The Quran is for the living. The path to understanding and following Islam comes from learning first.
How many of us are Muslim, yet have never read the Quran in our native language?
How many of us are Muslim, yet have yet to open a book on hadith or sunnah?
How many of us defend Islam to non-Muslims, but do not follow it ourselves?
May Allah forgive and lead us and all those lost to the straight path, inshaAllah.
Ameen.
based on a talk by Abdul Wajid "Born to be Brown", UK
By Huma Ahmad
Reprinted from Jannah.org
Freedom. Young people live for the day when they can move out of the house and go to college and finally be free. Freedom from their parents, from restrictions on their lifestyle, from everyone telling them what to do. This is why in college you find a whole generation that does what they want. Life's short they say, let's enjoy ourselves while we can.
So it goes for Muslims. In college you find the most amazing things, Muslims who don't pray, Muslims who date, Muslims who attend MSA meetings but go out to parties and drink. Why is this happening?
For one, when students go off to university they finally realize that what they beleived in was blind. Religion becomes like a fairytale, when they got old enough, they knew better than to believe in it. Most have little knowledge about Islam and have maybe memorized the right rituals to get by. Why beleive something on faith, they ask. After all we cannot see heaven or hell. How do we know Islam is right anyway?
Islamic culture to them means marrying someone they never knew. It means arranged marriages and never hanging out or having fun. For girls Islamic culture has even less to offer. It would mean double standards or having to serve a husband the rest of her life.
The western alternative to this looks alot more attractive. In western culture "love and romance" are supposedly everywhere. Everyone is out looking for love freely. Meeting someone, going out, seeking pleasure sounds alot better. But what about the downside? For love at first sight, you need to have the right image, the right hair, the right clothes. Girls have to aspire to be like the latest supermodels, they have to hold back age. Who's going out with who, what are my friends thinking, what will happen if I don't get the right girl or guy, what is my girlfriend or boyfriend thinking, all become important. Frustration, desperation, and unhappiness become the norm.
Imagine all the heartache youth would save if they followed the Islamic alternative. In true Islam, unlike culture, there is no gameplaying. If two people wish to be involved they are both straight with one another. Unlike what goes on today amongst some Muslims, they both meet each other and make a contract to marry. Women are treated with respect, there is no sexual bombardment like there is in western society. Sex in western culture is also often seen as a vice or a sin of the flesh. But even in religious Islam, sex is seen as natural. As long as it is in the right circumstances, when the two are committed to one another in marriage.
Drinking in college is also the norm unfortunately. If you don't drink or party you're seen as weird. Drinking is cool and a way for people to socialize, meet and have fun. The one who doesn't is less of a person and 'misses out'. Drinking and all the harms that come with it is cut off at the root in Islam. So many problems are avoided, accidents, pregnancy, violence and even rape for example.
In college and in the world, success in life is not seen in terms of religion. It is seen as what other people think, one's careers, how much money they make. If you are religious you must have failed at life. But why do we have this seperation? and this blindness in religion?
The Quran tells us again and again not to have blind faith, not to folllow the religion of our forefathers.
Yet, we as Muslims have stopped thinking. We may think about what our friends or other people will say, but we avoid thinking about the real issues. We spend so much time on the opposite sex, thinking about careers, money etc, but we forget to think about death and how much of this we will really be able to take with us?
"Every soul shall have a taste of death and only on the Day of Judgement shall you be paid your full recompense...for the life of this world is but goods and chattels of deception" (Quran 3:185)
Shouldn't we take the time to comtemplate what will happen to us after we hit the grave? After all, what is the point of life if we are not accountable for our actions? If there is no creator, what is the point of being honest or good.
If we really look at our life we see that everything is indefinate, getting a job, even living until tomorrow. In fact we could die anytime, this is a definate, the _only_ dead certain thing in our life. Most of us believe we can make up for our actions later or we can be religious later. We are gambling. The chances of our dying today are little, but the stakes are high. Allah reminds us of the importance of this, "O you who beleive, obey Allah as he should be obeyed, and die not except in a state of Islam" (Quran3:102)
Each of us needs to decide. Is Islam right or not? Why don't we take the time, just once, once in our lives to find out if Islam is right. Is the Quran from God or not? We can't see God, but is there a maker to all this? We need to study nature, and the world. We only live once, if Islam is wrong then we should leave it, but if it's right we shouldn't go halfway. We shouldn't go to a club thinking we are only going to 'hang out and are not doing anything wrong' then feel guilty about it later. We shouldn't go on a date or drink, then feel guilty about it, worrying about hellfire. If Islam is right, we should follow it.
On the Day of Judgement it will be us alone who will be asked about our actions. If Islam is right and we are not following this deen completely, we are injuring our own soul, both in this life and the next.
"Verily We have revealed the Book to thee in truth, for (instructing) mankind. He, then that receives guidance beinfits his own soul: but he that strays injurs his own soul..." Quran 39:41
This is the true definition of freedom. To learn about Islam and the world openly. To contemplate about life and death. And after learning the truth, obeying the word of God. "Those on whom knowledge has been bestowed may learn that the (Quran) is the truth from your Lord, and that they beleive therein, and their hearts may be made humbly (open)to it..." Quran 22:54
Once students have this rock-solid intellectual beleif in Islam, the corruptness and falseness of the people around them is clear. The beauty and wisdom of the islamic way, the best alternative is clear. What other's do is of less importance. If others think they were weird to pray or weird to be honest, they would still pray and still be honest because they know their deen.
The Prophet(SAW)'s famous hadith to 'seek knowledge even if it leads to china' or to 'seek knowledge from the cradle to the grave' is too often forgotten by students. Our Quran's are left on the top shelves, gathering dust. Sometimes the most it is read is when someone dies. How is this to help, when the guidance comes too late. The Quran is for the living. The path to understanding and following Islam comes from learning first.
How many of us are Muslim, yet have never read the Quran in our native language?
How many of us are Muslim, yet have yet to open a book on hadith or sunnah?
How many of us defend Islam to non-Muslims, but do not follow it ourselves?
May Allah forgive and lead us and all those lost to the straight path, inshaAllah.
Ameen.
based on a talk by Abdul Wajid "Born to be Brown", UK
Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship
Preventing the Girlfriend-Boyfriend Relationship
A Two-Part Article
By Amatullah Islam
Part One
Zina (fornication) has become a commonplace occurrence within the Muslim Youth community, and the Muslim girls and boys have sadly fallen prey to the snares of Western society. You may wonder how can such a situation occur when most Muslim parents virtually put their children under 'lock and key'. The answer is that although most parents are strict where their children are concerned, they do not take the time to talk and explain to them about the seriousness of Zina. Instead, they give a Fatwa of "no boyfriend" when their daughters reach puberty. Such an action is like ordering a two year old child not to touch the power point. What do you think the child will do?
The following article highlights ways in which we can teach our children to shun this corrupt act.
In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. This is what we have to ingrain into our children at the early stage. We should not wait for them to come to us when they are teenagers to ask about girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. At this late stage, even if we forbid them to have such a relationship, how certain are we that they will obey us if they are smitten by someone? Hence, it is important that we teach our children that the only time a girl or boy can have a relationship with a non-Mahatma (non-Mahatma is someone whom they can marry) is when they are married! Furthermore, if a girl or boy enters into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship then he/she is entering into a pre-marital relationship.
At the teenage level, we should not be shy to teach them the severity of pre-marital relationship. We need to make them understand that that pre-marital relationships are like the extra-marital relationships, or what is commonly known as adultery or 'an affair'. It ruins the community by corrupting the people. It unleashes base desires that, once allowed free-reign, will destroy families. We can quote to them the examples of illegitimate and abandoned children, broken homes, abortions, sexual diseases - the list goes on. We should also point out to them the punishment for sexual relationships outside of marriage: Ibn Masoud (r.a.a) related that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, "The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three instances: the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community." [Bukhari and Muslim]. In other words, the married person who commits adultery is to be killed by stoning to death [Muslim].
But what about the unmarried person who has sexual relationships? Rest assured that this person will not go unpunished - he or she is to be caned or whipped one hundred times [Muslim]. Even in the Hereafter, the punishment is severe: the Prophet (s.a.w) saw adulterers, men and women, in a baking oven in Hellfire [Bukhari].
At this stage your teenage child may say that girlfriend-boyfriend relationships need not go as far as the sexual act; that they can control themselves and simply enjoy each others company. To counter this, you say that it is a fact when a girl and a boy are alone together, their sexual desires awaken and before they know it, they will be doing things that are not permissible between unmarried people. The reason for this is because Shaytaan will be the third person with them [Ahmad] and he will whisper and tempt them with the forbidden. This is why Islam shuns all avenues leading to corruption of the mind, body and soul.
Something else we must teach them is to restrain their desires. We can do so by giving them examples of the rewards for doing so, such as the person who controls his lust will be among people who Allah bestows mercy upon: Abu Hurairah (r.a.a) narrated that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said that among the seven persons whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day (of Judgement) when there is no shade except His Shade, is a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman and refuses to respond for fear of Allah. [Bukhari and Muslim].
Below are more points on how to help your child, at an early age, to be chaste so that when he/she is older, he/she can avoid getting into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. First, you must talk and explain to them these things when they are young, then when they are older, you make sure that it is put into practice.
You must teach him or her to:
1. Not to freely mix with the opposite sex.
2. Not to look at the opposite sex. This is done by lowering or averting their eyes as Allah tells us: "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their private parts..." [24:30-31] Furthermore, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, "...do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second." [Ahmad, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhi]. What this means is that the first look is by accident. If this happens then do not take a second look. Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) also said that the eyes also commit adultery by looking at someone with lust. [Bukhari]
3. For girls, teach them not to make their voices seductive or sweet in front of non-Mahatma. This is done by lowering the voice and not flirting. As Allah tells the wives of Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) "...do not be too pleasant of speech, lest one in whose heart there is a disease should feel desire for you..." [33:32]
4. Last but not least, teach them to wear appropriate clothing so as not to draw attention to themselves. That is, girls should wear Hijabs and loose clothing while boys should also wear loose clothing, not the tight jeans or pants with t-shirt tucked in. It is sad that, often, parents allow their children to wear the so called fashionclothing which, in most cases, do not meet the requirement of acceptable Islamic dress code. What is even sadder is to see Muslim mothers covering themselves properly walking with their uncovered teenage daughters and sons.
It is important that we start teaching our children the need to feel modesty, especially around the opposite sex. Regarding shyness, we should use the Prophet (s.a.w) as an example: Abu Said Al Khudri (r.a.a) reported that the Prophet (s.a.w) was more shy than a virgin in her own room. [Bukhari] If we instill this into them at an early age then, Insha' Allah, whenever they are near the vicinity of the opposite sex, they will feel shy and, therefore, will not act inappropriately. It is also important that we keep the communication channels open with our children so that we can talk and explain to them things, and they can ask us questions, without any party feeling embarrassed. Then, when they are older, and with help from us, they will begin to understand why it is that there cannot be a thing called 'the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship'.
In the next issue, Insha' Allah, we will discuss the ways in which parents can deal with the situation when they have discovered that their daughter or son is in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship.
Part Two
In the last article I talked about taking preventative measures to ensure that when your child is older, he or she will not be caught in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. However, if your child is already a teenager or those methods did not work, and you are now facing this dilemma, there is still hope of rectifying it.
Most parents react with extremity upon discovering that their daughter is in a girlfriend-boyfriend situation: they lock her in her room and forbid her to see the boy again. What would be the reaction from the girl when she is faced with this? She would rebel. That is, she would do the opposite of what the parents say and, in extreme cases, run away from home. If this is not how parents want it to end, they must tread lightly. Do everything with a light touch because teenagers respond better to it. At any signs of heavy-handedness, teenagers rebel.
The first step in any bridge-building is to talk. Calmly talk to your daughter to understand why she is having a boyfriend.
What led to this?
There are many reasons why girls seek out boys. The first culprit that parents point the accusing finger at, is the girl's raging hormones. This may be true in some girls but not all. There are girls who have raging hormones but who can control themselves, and then there are girls who do not have raging hormones but who still pursue the opposite sex.
Therefore, what are some other possible reasons for the girl's behaviour?
Peer pressure is one. When all her friends and school mates have boyfriends, she feels compelled to follow suit. If she does not have a boyfriend of her own then she feels left out because she cannot fit in with their after school activities and cannot join in their conversations. What makes it worse is that everyone will see her as a "geek".
Another reason is if she is undertaking a popularity contest. She competes with other girls in attaining as many boyfriends as she can to see who will be the popularity queen. These contests also occur because it is seen that only popular girls have boyfriends.
Boredom often drives a girl into the arms of a boy. She sees her life as monotonous and so searches for thrill and excitement with the boy.
Or perhaps her self-esteem is low, so she depends on him to make her feel desirable and wanted.
Yet another reason is that she needs to be loved. She seeks her parents love but cannot access it, therefore, she seeks it elsewhere. Similar to this is if she is seeking her parents attention. She defies them in seeking a boyfriend so that she can have their attention. Any attention to her is better than no attention. The difference between the need for love and the need for attention is that the former does it passively. If she cannot get it from her parents then she goes elsewhere. Whereas the latter demands it from her parents.
There could be other reasons or the reasons could be a combination of the above. However, whatever the reason or reasons may be, parents need to identify and understand it. This is easier than it sounds as parents have a tendency of triggering their daughters to clam up.
How to approach them
When parents talk, care needs to be taken so as not to become accusative ("You did this to...") and judgmental ("You are so..."), otherwise it will end up like a police interrogation ("Why did you...?"). This only adds to their daughter's defiance. Also, to keep her self-esteem intact, avoid using "should", "don't" and all other negative words.
Talking effectively also means to know when to listen. This includes not only hearing but understanding. To understand what has been said, parents need to clarify it ("Do you mean...?"), acknowledge it ("You feel... because...") and empathise with it ("You sound really..."). When the teenager feels that her parents understand her, she will be encouraged to confide in them and explain why she does things and how she feels about it. And as I said earlier, by understanding, parents will get the full picture and will then know which appropriate action to take. Also, if parents want to be listened to by their children, they need to model good listening skills. Children tend to do as parents do rather than as parents say. So now is always a good time to start practising these skills.
Insecurity
Looking closer at the above reasons, parents will see that the underlying factor is that the girl feels insecure about herself. Her self-esteem is low and so she relies on the boy to make her feel good about herself. The root of falling into the trap of peer-pressures, popularity contests, the need to be wanted and loved, and to have attention, is insecurity. If this is the case then give her the love and attention that she needs. Show and tell her that you love her despite her "bad" behaviours, and yet you will not tolerate them. Teach her how to feel good about herself and her religion. Build her self-esteem by acknowledging her good behaviours and achievements or her attempts to achieve (and not focusing on failures). Assign her challenging tasks and stimulating activities. This also applies to the bored daughter. Take her to teenage Islamic gatherings and camps. Encourage her to make new Muslim friends. As to the one with raging hormones who cannot control herself, ask her if she would like to marry (but do not force it upon her).
Certainly, remind her that it is the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship that cannot be approved and teach her (again) about Islam's position with regards to this. Lastly, provide Muslim role models for her. Stories about those women who guard their chastity and piety are are rewarded for doing so. Maryam, mother of Prophet Eesa (a.s), is one great example.
Don't forget about the boys
Having taken care of the daughter, I will now focus attention on the son. It is ironical that parents react as if there is a death in the family when their daughter engages in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. But when it is the son who is in a similar or worst position, the same parents are complaisant. They feel that the boy needs to have experience and enjoy himself first before he can settle down and marry. It is as if the daughter alone carries the honour of the family.
Honour needs to be distributed evenly among the family if it is to be kept intact. This means the father, mother, son and daughter must each guard their own honour. If the father or mother loses his or her honour then they are providing the role model for their children. And if the son loses his honour and goes unpunished then the daughter will see this as a hypocritical act and consequently rebels. For any mediating action to work on the daughter, parents must be consistent on their son as well. Look to the reasons why girls pursue boys then parents will see that those are the same ones that propel boys into the arms of girls.
A Two-Part Article
By Amatullah Islam
Part One
Zina (fornication) has become a commonplace occurrence within the Muslim Youth community, and the Muslim girls and boys have sadly fallen prey to the snares of Western society. You may wonder how can such a situation occur when most Muslim parents virtually put their children under 'lock and key'. The answer is that although most parents are strict where their children are concerned, they do not take the time to talk and explain to them about the seriousness of Zina. Instead, they give a Fatwa of "no boyfriend" when their daughters reach puberty. Such an action is like ordering a two year old child not to touch the power point. What do you think the child will do?
The following article highlights ways in which we can teach our children to shun this corrupt act.
In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. This is what we have to ingrain into our children at the early stage. We should not wait for them to come to us when they are teenagers to ask about girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. At this late stage, even if we forbid them to have such a relationship, how certain are we that they will obey us if they are smitten by someone? Hence, it is important that we teach our children that the only time a girl or boy can have a relationship with a non-Mahatma (non-Mahatma is someone whom they can marry) is when they are married! Furthermore, if a girl or boy enters into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship then he/she is entering into a pre-marital relationship.
At the teenage level, we should not be shy to teach them the severity of pre-marital relationship. We need to make them understand that that pre-marital relationships are like the extra-marital relationships, or what is commonly known as adultery or 'an affair'. It ruins the community by corrupting the people. It unleashes base desires that, once allowed free-reign, will destroy families. We can quote to them the examples of illegitimate and abandoned children, broken homes, abortions, sexual diseases - the list goes on. We should also point out to them the punishment for sexual relationships outside of marriage: Ibn Masoud (r.a.a) related that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, "The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three instances: the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community." [Bukhari and Muslim]. In other words, the married person who commits adultery is to be killed by stoning to death [Muslim].
But what about the unmarried person who has sexual relationships? Rest assured that this person will not go unpunished - he or she is to be caned or whipped one hundred times [Muslim]. Even in the Hereafter, the punishment is severe: the Prophet (s.a.w) saw adulterers, men and women, in a baking oven in Hellfire [Bukhari].
At this stage your teenage child may say that girlfriend-boyfriend relationships need not go as far as the sexual act; that they can control themselves and simply enjoy each others company. To counter this, you say that it is a fact when a girl and a boy are alone together, their sexual desires awaken and before they know it, they will be doing things that are not permissible between unmarried people. The reason for this is because Shaytaan will be the third person with them [Ahmad] and he will whisper and tempt them with the forbidden. This is why Islam shuns all avenues leading to corruption of the mind, body and soul.
Something else we must teach them is to restrain their desires. We can do so by giving them examples of the rewards for doing so, such as the person who controls his lust will be among people who Allah bestows mercy upon: Abu Hurairah (r.a.a) narrated that Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said that among the seven persons whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day (of Judgement) when there is no shade except His Shade, is a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman and refuses to respond for fear of Allah. [Bukhari and Muslim].
Below are more points on how to help your child, at an early age, to be chaste so that when he/she is older, he/she can avoid getting into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. First, you must talk and explain to them these things when they are young, then when they are older, you make sure that it is put into practice.
You must teach him or her to:
1. Not to freely mix with the opposite sex.
2. Not to look at the opposite sex. This is done by lowering or averting their eyes as Allah tells us: "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to protect their private parts. That is purer for them. Verily Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their private parts..." [24:30-31] Furthermore, Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, "...do not let a second look follow the first. The first look is allowed to you but not the second." [Ahmad, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhi]. What this means is that the first look is by accident. If this happens then do not take a second look. Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) also said that the eyes also commit adultery by looking at someone with lust. [Bukhari]
3. For girls, teach them not to make their voices seductive or sweet in front of non-Mahatma. This is done by lowering the voice and not flirting. As Allah tells the wives of Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) "...do not be too pleasant of speech, lest one in whose heart there is a disease should feel desire for you..." [33:32]
4. Last but not least, teach them to wear appropriate clothing so as not to draw attention to themselves. That is, girls should wear Hijabs and loose clothing while boys should also wear loose clothing, not the tight jeans or pants with t-shirt tucked in. It is sad that, often, parents allow their children to wear the so called fashionclothing which, in most cases, do not meet the requirement of acceptable Islamic dress code. What is even sadder is to see Muslim mothers covering themselves properly walking with their uncovered teenage daughters and sons.
It is important that we start teaching our children the need to feel modesty, especially around the opposite sex. Regarding shyness, we should use the Prophet (s.a.w) as an example: Abu Said Al Khudri (r.a.a) reported that the Prophet (s.a.w) was more shy than a virgin in her own room. [Bukhari] If we instill this into them at an early age then, Insha' Allah, whenever they are near the vicinity of the opposite sex, they will feel shy and, therefore, will not act inappropriately. It is also important that we keep the communication channels open with our children so that we can talk and explain to them things, and they can ask us questions, without any party feeling embarrassed. Then, when they are older, and with help from us, they will begin to understand why it is that there cannot be a thing called 'the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship'.
In the next issue, Insha' Allah, we will discuss the ways in which parents can deal with the situation when they have discovered that their daughter or son is in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship.
Part Two
In the last article I talked about taking preventative measures to ensure that when your child is older, he or she will not be caught in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. However, if your child is already a teenager or those methods did not work, and you are now facing this dilemma, there is still hope of rectifying it.
Most parents react with extremity upon discovering that their daughter is in a girlfriend-boyfriend situation: they lock her in her room and forbid her to see the boy again. What would be the reaction from the girl when she is faced with this? She would rebel. That is, she would do the opposite of what the parents say and, in extreme cases, run away from home. If this is not how parents want it to end, they must tread lightly. Do everything with a light touch because teenagers respond better to it. At any signs of heavy-handedness, teenagers rebel.
The first step in any bridge-building is to talk. Calmly talk to your daughter to understand why she is having a boyfriend.
What led to this?
There are many reasons why girls seek out boys. The first culprit that parents point the accusing finger at, is the girl's raging hormones. This may be true in some girls but not all. There are girls who have raging hormones but who can control themselves, and then there are girls who do not have raging hormones but who still pursue the opposite sex.
Therefore, what are some other possible reasons for the girl's behaviour?
Peer pressure is one. When all her friends and school mates have boyfriends, she feels compelled to follow suit. If she does not have a boyfriend of her own then she feels left out because she cannot fit in with their after school activities and cannot join in their conversations. What makes it worse is that everyone will see her as a "geek".
Another reason is if she is undertaking a popularity contest. She competes with other girls in attaining as many boyfriends as she can to see who will be the popularity queen. These contests also occur because it is seen that only popular girls have boyfriends.
Boredom often drives a girl into the arms of a boy. She sees her life as monotonous and so searches for thrill and excitement with the boy.
Or perhaps her self-esteem is low, so she depends on him to make her feel desirable and wanted.
Yet another reason is that she needs to be loved. She seeks her parents love but cannot access it, therefore, she seeks it elsewhere. Similar to this is if she is seeking her parents attention. She defies them in seeking a boyfriend so that she can have their attention. Any attention to her is better than no attention. The difference between the need for love and the need for attention is that the former does it passively. If she cannot get it from her parents then she goes elsewhere. Whereas the latter demands it from her parents.
There could be other reasons or the reasons could be a combination of the above. However, whatever the reason or reasons may be, parents need to identify and understand it. This is easier than it sounds as parents have a tendency of triggering their daughters to clam up.
How to approach them
When parents talk, care needs to be taken so as not to become accusative ("You did this to...") and judgmental ("You are so..."), otherwise it will end up like a police interrogation ("Why did you...?"). This only adds to their daughter's defiance. Also, to keep her self-esteem intact, avoid using "should", "don't" and all other negative words.
Talking effectively also means to know when to listen. This includes not only hearing but understanding. To understand what has been said, parents need to clarify it ("Do you mean...?"), acknowledge it ("You feel... because...") and empathise with it ("You sound really..."). When the teenager feels that her parents understand her, she will be encouraged to confide in them and explain why she does things and how she feels about it. And as I said earlier, by understanding, parents will get the full picture and will then know which appropriate action to take. Also, if parents want to be listened to by their children, they need to model good listening skills. Children tend to do as parents do rather than as parents say. So now is always a good time to start practising these skills.
Insecurity
Looking closer at the above reasons, parents will see that the underlying factor is that the girl feels insecure about herself. Her self-esteem is low and so she relies on the boy to make her feel good about herself. The root of falling into the trap of peer-pressures, popularity contests, the need to be wanted and loved, and to have attention, is insecurity. If this is the case then give her the love and attention that she needs. Show and tell her that you love her despite her "bad" behaviours, and yet you will not tolerate them. Teach her how to feel good about herself and her religion. Build her self-esteem by acknowledging her good behaviours and achievements or her attempts to achieve (and not focusing on failures). Assign her challenging tasks and stimulating activities. This also applies to the bored daughter. Take her to teenage Islamic gatherings and camps. Encourage her to make new Muslim friends. As to the one with raging hormones who cannot control herself, ask her if she would like to marry (but do not force it upon her).
Certainly, remind her that it is the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship that cannot be approved and teach her (again) about Islam's position with regards to this. Lastly, provide Muslim role models for her. Stories about those women who guard their chastity and piety are are rewarded for doing so. Maryam, mother of Prophet Eesa (a.s), is one great example.
Don't forget about the boys
Having taken care of the daughter, I will now focus attention on the son. It is ironical that parents react as if there is a death in the family when their daughter engages in a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. But when it is the son who is in a similar or worst position, the same parents are complaisant. They feel that the boy needs to have experience and enjoy himself first before he can settle down and marry. It is as if the daughter alone carries the honour of the family.
Honour needs to be distributed evenly among the family if it is to be kept intact. This means the father, mother, son and daughter must each guard their own honour. If the father or mother loses his or her honour then they are providing the role model for their children. And if the son loses his honour and goes unpunished then the daughter will see this as a hypocritical act and consequently rebels. For any mediating action to work on the daughter, parents must be consistent on their son as well. Look to the reasons why girls pursue boys then parents will see that those are the same ones that propel boys into the arms of girls.
Coping With Peer Pressure
Coping With Peer Pressure
By Ibrahim Abu Khalid
[This article was published in the 19th issue of Nida'ul Islam Magazine (http://www.islam.org.au), July - August 1997]
What happens during the school years is very important. Many parents and community leaders brush-off unfavorable and unIslamic Muslim youth behaviour as being a short-term phenomena, a mix of hormones and bad friends. Time, it is argued, will mature their thoughts and bring them in line. This is rarely the case.
The school years form a critical part of the mental, religious and social development of our Muslim youth. Factors such as the school's curriculum, social pressures and make-up can solidly mould the direction the Muslim youth will take. by far the most dangerous influence is that of 'peer pressure', whereby Muslims are pressured (mentally and physically) to conform to some social 'norm' or group behaviour. This can set an irreparable deviated path for the rest of their lives.
Pressures from the Education system
In a country which boasts of heralding individual and religious rights, Muslims are still on the lower rung of the ladder. Even the school administration will exert pressures on Muslims to study and participate in Islamically abhorred activities.
Compulsory participation in sports events brings many brothers and sisters into a state of conflict, who if refuse to participate, will be publicly rebuked and humiliated. Sisters have been known to be harassed to participate in swimming carnivals, gymnastics and dancing, many of which can involve male participation. Not attending formals, camps and discos are actually punished, through increased study load, and also mentally through public disgrace (letting the school know who isn't joining in).
Other reported cases of teacher discrimination in Australia includes teachers snatching the hijab off sisters, neglecting cases of abuse against Muslims (Muslims are supposed to have been used to being singled-out by now), and police investigations into the activities of Muslims purely on the basis of their religion.
Peer Pressure
Fellow students can have a devastating effect on the morale and piety of a Muslim. These pressures should never be underestimated, which can intimidate a Muslim into taking drugs, smoking, 'going out' to nightclubs, and having illegal relationships.
Sisters feel compelled to waste money on extravagant items, 'name-tags', such as Fiorelli and Benetton, for the sole purpose of fitting-in. The preservation of her virginity is not a virtue, but rather a disgrace, a symbol of her 'frigidity'. It sounds crazy, but whether we ignore this or not, it is there and in a big way.
Brothers must act and smell and look like the Kuffaar to avoid persecution. Anything which will take them away from their Islamic bonds. It's the right thing to abuse your parents, obeying them is downright lack of personality.
Who Are We?
The sad thing is that we have the solution for all this, but we ignore it. Muslims don't have to feel that they're a group without identity or meaning. Nor should we allow anyone to prevent us from fulfilling our duties to Allah.
Legally, we have many options to take in practicing Islam at school. We have a right to pray during the specified times. Many schools now haFriday Prayers in a designated room. it took was the joint effort of committed students, who themselves conduct the Khutbah. We also have the right to celebrate our festivals, and wear our prescribed clothing without harassment. Other religious groups are permitted by the Schools to refrain from certain school activities. The Amish do not watch television class, the Sikhs wear their turbans wherever they go, the Jehovah Witness do not participate in the flag-raising or singing the national anthem. We also have our rights to watch what we deem permissible, and refrain from unIslamic events. Many precedents have been set in this regard. It requires the strength of our brothers and sisters, a joint effort, and the knowledge that Muslims will not disobey Allah for the will of anyone.
The Prophet (s.a.w.) and the Companions had nothing but disgust for the way of life of the disbelievers. In fact, they had so much disgust that they purposely did everything the opposite of them. 'Umar bin al-Khattab (r.a.a.) actually forced the non-Muslims to look differently from the Muslims. So why are we trying to imitate them?
Muslims have been given honour through Islam and nothing else. Not through expensive designer clothes, nor expensive sneakers, or top ten CD's. In fact, if you examine the history of the Kuffaar, you will find them so inconsistent in their behaviour that only an idiot would want to copy them. Every year brings on a new fashion, a new habit, a new religion. One year its drugs, then its alcohol, then its mineral water. Australians can only copy Americans, which really shows how much sense of identity they have. Americans love hip hop, so do Australians. They wear baseball caps, well may as well follow them.
Muslims however have their own identity, history and religion, which millions have flocked to escape the filth and stupidity of Kufr. Why are we doing the opposite?
Our Youth have to be supported by the community. When they are in need of assistance, we must be there. This could be financially, or morally. When they begin on reforming themselves, and assisting in bringing about a change, the solid support must be there .
By Ibrahim Abu Khalid
[This article was published in the 19th issue of Nida'ul Islam Magazine (http://www.islam.org.au), July - August 1997]
What happens during the school years is very important. Many parents and community leaders brush-off unfavorable and unIslamic Muslim youth behaviour as being a short-term phenomena, a mix of hormones and bad friends. Time, it is argued, will mature their thoughts and bring them in line. This is rarely the case.
The school years form a critical part of the mental, religious and social development of our Muslim youth. Factors such as the school's curriculum, social pressures and make-up can solidly mould the direction the Muslim youth will take. by far the most dangerous influence is that of 'peer pressure', whereby Muslims are pressured (mentally and physically) to conform to some social 'norm' or group behaviour. This can set an irreparable deviated path for the rest of their lives.
Pressures from the Education system
In a country which boasts of heralding individual and religious rights, Muslims are still on the lower rung of the ladder. Even the school administration will exert pressures on Muslims to study and participate in Islamically abhorred activities.
Compulsory participation in sports events brings many brothers and sisters into a state of conflict, who if refuse to participate, will be publicly rebuked and humiliated. Sisters have been known to be harassed to participate in swimming carnivals, gymnastics and dancing, many of which can involve male participation. Not attending formals, camps and discos are actually punished, through increased study load, and also mentally through public disgrace (letting the school know who isn't joining in).
Other reported cases of teacher discrimination in Australia includes teachers snatching the hijab off sisters, neglecting cases of abuse against Muslims (Muslims are supposed to have been used to being singled-out by now), and police investigations into the activities of Muslims purely on the basis of their religion.
Peer Pressure
Fellow students can have a devastating effect on the morale and piety of a Muslim. These pressures should never be underestimated, which can intimidate a Muslim into taking drugs, smoking, 'going out' to nightclubs, and having illegal relationships.
Sisters feel compelled to waste money on extravagant items, 'name-tags', such as Fiorelli and Benetton, for the sole purpose of fitting-in. The preservation of her virginity is not a virtue, but rather a disgrace, a symbol of her 'frigidity'. It sounds crazy, but whether we ignore this or not, it is there and in a big way.
Brothers must act and smell and look like the Kuffaar to avoid persecution. Anything which will take them away from their Islamic bonds. It's the right thing to abuse your parents, obeying them is downright lack of personality.
Who Are We?
The sad thing is that we have the solution for all this, but we ignore it. Muslims don't have to feel that they're a group without identity or meaning. Nor should we allow anyone to prevent us from fulfilling our duties to Allah.
Legally, we have many options to take in practicing Islam at school. We have a right to pray during the specified times. Many schools now haFriday Prayers in a designated room. it took was the joint effort of committed students, who themselves conduct the Khutbah. We also have the right to celebrate our festivals, and wear our prescribed clothing without harassment. Other religious groups are permitted by the Schools to refrain from certain school activities. The Amish do not watch television class, the Sikhs wear their turbans wherever they go, the Jehovah Witness do not participate in the flag-raising or singing the national anthem. We also have our rights to watch what we deem permissible, and refrain from unIslamic events. Many precedents have been set in this regard. It requires the strength of our brothers and sisters, a joint effort, and the knowledge that Muslims will not disobey Allah for the will of anyone.
The Prophet (s.a.w.) and the Companions had nothing but disgust for the way of life of the disbelievers. In fact, they had so much disgust that they purposely did everything the opposite of them. 'Umar bin al-Khattab (r.a.a.) actually forced the non-Muslims to look differently from the Muslims. So why are we trying to imitate them?
Muslims have been given honour through Islam and nothing else. Not through expensive designer clothes, nor expensive sneakers, or top ten CD's. In fact, if you examine the history of the Kuffaar, you will find them so inconsistent in their behaviour that only an idiot would want to copy them. Every year brings on a new fashion, a new habit, a new religion. One year its drugs, then its alcohol, then its mineral water. Australians can only copy Americans, which really shows how much sense of identity they have. Americans love hip hop, so do Australians. They wear baseball caps, well may as well follow them.
Muslims however have their own identity, history and religion, which millions have flocked to escape the filth and stupidity of Kufr. Why are we doing the opposite?
Our Youth have to be supported by the community. When they are in need of assistance, we must be there. This could be financially, or morally. When they begin on reforming themselves, and assisting in bringing about a change, the solid support must be there .
Why I Boycotted the Senior Prom
Why I Boycotted the Senior Prom
By Dawud Wharnsby Ali
As the school year winds down, many senior students of schools across the nation will not just be commencing another summer of holidays to provide a break during semesters. Many will be leaving their safe havens of senior public school and taking their first step into the world of adulthood. Attending fast paced, crowded colleges or universities, taking up apprenticeships or full-time employment. Many may even move from family homes in their pursuit of educational fulfillment or the "perfect" job opportunity. Many young people are preparing to move on to new lives in the world, with new responsibilities, new environments, new peers and new aspirations.
One ritual that has become synonymous with coming of age has been the senior prom. Closely preceding the graduation ceremonies of many high schools, or following closely behind graduation events, the senior prom (also known as the senior formal or the spring formal) is an opportunity for youth to celebrate the entrance into the world of adulthood with a splash of color and formality. However, there is far more behind the social event than may be initially noticed.
Formal. What is formal? Formal means to present one's self to others in a way which is "with form", with shape, polite, inoffensive and dignified. We see the example of a formal letter, it uses proper grammar and sentence structure in order to be respectful, while simultaneously serving a purpose or getting an important message across.
In our society, what is formal? Very little. On average, clothing, language, behavior - all is very informal. Individuals who are formal (polite, inoffensive, organized) in their daily dealings with people ore often looked upon as square or boring. Yet we see that in certain situations, individuals play with the concept of formality not truly to implement respectfulness and order but because it becomes fashionable to do so. While behavior surrounding a prom may seem, on the surface, like a fun opportunity to behave formally it is actually a flowery version of Halloween.
On the occasion of the spring formal we see blossoming youth taking on the formalities of what is perceived as "adult". Fine dress (most who attend the senior prom rent expensive tuxedoes or purchase high quality suits or gowns for the occasion); elaborate beautification (spending hours in front of a mirror or at a hair salon in order to look just right); frivolous toys (stretch limousines line the streets outside of dance halls on the night of the prom); all become synonymous with being an adult. In many ways, adults in
society should examine their own behavior for wrongly displaying these types of objects as being "adult" to younger people.
In our society we have a very misconstrued idea of what adulthood actually is. It has always been my understanding that adulthood and maturity are not based upon one's ability to hold a cigarette in a certain way, tie a bow tie, tease one's hair or hang out of a limousine sunroof . Adulthood comes with the understanding of one's place in the universe, it comes with the knowledge of how to interact with our fellow human beings, it comes with the ability to take responsibility for one's own actions - whether good or bad.
It was 1990. I was seventeen years old and although the athletic types in my all-male Catholic school saw me as a bit of a runt - small, cocky, seemingly uninhibited, most of my peers and teachers were supportive friends who enjoyed my company and with whom I, in turn, felt very comfortable. I had become very active in my school and very visible because of my involvement in various school events, usually arts-related. It was my senior year.
Young, agile, fashionable (by some standards at least), busy with the thoughts of what I would do with the rest of my life. Decisions that affect the rest of our lives can often become clouded when we are blinded by fear of what others will think of us - whether it be our parents, our friends or our teachers.
Within me was a need to understand the adult world into which I was about to embark. I felt foolish to think I was stepping into the adult world at such an age - in many parts of the world and throughout history, seventeen is within the realm of adulthood, as responsibility is established much earlier in life, following puberty at the age of 12 or 13. There was a great confusion in me to see my society putting such emphasis on acquiring wealth and prestige over acquiring a feeling of spiritual worth and understanding of true responsibility.
The concept of the senior prom frustrated me greatly. Many of my close friends were also disgusted with the idea of wasting their parents' money or their own money earned through weekend work, on a night of preening. To dress up and put one's self on display in a sort of inner-school fashion show seemed degrading.
Across the street from our school was an all-girl Catholic school. Many classes were shared between the two schools and it was not uncommon for students from each school to cross the street and take up a seat as a minority in a class of the opposite gender. Religion classes were almost always co-ed in the senior grades, as well as many arts and sciences classes.
It upset me to see some students behaving superior to others simply because they had girlfriends or boyfriends and others did not. It upset me to see friends quarrelling over who was taking who to the senior prom. It upset me to see peers who normally behaved rudely in class or to their friends, making big plans to put on a cummerbund in a pseudo attempt to be ?adult?. On the one hand behaving romantic and polite, planning to buy a corsage for their date, and on the other hand also planning to smuggle alcohol into the event then rent a hotel room for an opportunity to dishonor their date.
I made a firm intention in my mind to boycott the senior prom for these and other reasons. Adulthood, I felt, was not to come with irresponsibility and excessive waste. It is not synonymous with loud music and dancing. Of course there are those who do attend their senior prom with very pure intentions and hope to have a fairy tale evening, complete with non-alcoholic sparkling drinks and an opportunity to celebrate with close friends the closure of the high school era. However, there are many other more meaningful ways to prepare one's self for the adult world than just dressing up for a night and attending a gala party.
I recall hearing about the senior prom held at my school by peers who did attend. I saw some photographs and some of those pictures are locked forever in the pages of my school year-book. Images of people I once knew - huddled together in tuxedos, singing like drunken barroom buddies. The bow ties are crooked, the shirttails are out, the hair is ruffled. I pray that they eventually did find adulthood, during the many years that have passed since those pictures were taken.
I was not a Muslim when I boycotted my senior prom; Allah brought Islam into my life several years later. I was simply a young man who was tired of being irresponsible. I was tired of witnessing irresponsibility. I was desperate for a feeling of self-worth and fulfillment that I knew could not come from a few hours of loud music, a dance with a beautiful girl and a smuggled bottle of hard liquor. I would never suggest that I demonstrated angelic behavior during my days of jahilliya. We all have baggage in our closets - may Allah forgive us, but I did recognize what steps would lead a person to contentment and made every effort to implement those steps.
After leaving high school I met several other non-Muslim individuals during my travels who had also boycotted their own senior proms. We would sit and laugh about how good it felt to buck the system and refrain from taking part in activities that are based in total frivolity and irresponsibility.
Think of how much more meaningful it would be to spend an evening at a retirement residence with an elderly person who has a million stories to tell but no one to listen. Think of how much more there is to learn about life from volunteering an evening in a hospital ward for children, brightening the face of a child with a story or a song, than simply drinking punch in a dark hall under a disco ball. Imagine the feeling of spending only one hour at a soup kitchen, meeting the many men and women who sleep each night on the street while others waste money on lavish cars and rental clothes.
By Dawud Wharnsby Ali
As the school year winds down, many senior students of schools across the nation will not just be commencing another summer of holidays to provide a break during semesters. Many will be leaving their safe havens of senior public school and taking their first step into the world of adulthood. Attending fast paced, crowded colleges or universities, taking up apprenticeships or full-time employment. Many may even move from family homes in their pursuit of educational fulfillment or the "perfect" job opportunity. Many young people are preparing to move on to new lives in the world, with new responsibilities, new environments, new peers and new aspirations.
One ritual that has become synonymous with coming of age has been the senior prom. Closely preceding the graduation ceremonies of many high schools, or following closely behind graduation events, the senior prom (also known as the senior formal or the spring formal) is an opportunity for youth to celebrate the entrance into the world of adulthood with a splash of color and formality. However, there is far more behind the social event than may be initially noticed.
Formal. What is formal? Formal means to present one's self to others in a way which is "with form", with shape, polite, inoffensive and dignified. We see the example of a formal letter, it uses proper grammar and sentence structure in order to be respectful, while simultaneously serving a purpose or getting an important message across.
In our society, what is formal? Very little. On average, clothing, language, behavior - all is very informal. Individuals who are formal (polite, inoffensive, organized) in their daily dealings with people ore often looked upon as square or boring. Yet we see that in certain situations, individuals play with the concept of formality not truly to implement respectfulness and order but because it becomes fashionable to do so. While behavior surrounding a prom may seem, on the surface, like a fun opportunity to behave formally it is actually a flowery version of Halloween.
On the occasion of the spring formal we see blossoming youth taking on the formalities of what is perceived as "adult". Fine dress (most who attend the senior prom rent expensive tuxedoes or purchase high quality suits or gowns for the occasion); elaborate beautification (spending hours in front of a mirror or at a hair salon in order to look just right); frivolous toys (stretch limousines line the streets outside of dance halls on the night of the prom); all become synonymous with being an adult. In many ways, adults in
society should examine their own behavior for wrongly displaying these types of objects as being "adult" to younger people.
In our society we have a very misconstrued idea of what adulthood actually is. It has always been my understanding that adulthood and maturity are not based upon one's ability to hold a cigarette in a certain way, tie a bow tie, tease one's hair or hang out of a limousine sunroof . Adulthood comes with the understanding of one's place in the universe, it comes with the knowledge of how to interact with our fellow human beings, it comes with the ability to take responsibility for one's own actions - whether good or bad.
It was 1990. I was seventeen years old and although the athletic types in my all-male Catholic school saw me as a bit of a runt - small, cocky, seemingly uninhibited, most of my peers and teachers were supportive friends who enjoyed my company and with whom I, in turn, felt very comfortable. I had become very active in my school and very visible because of my involvement in various school events, usually arts-related. It was my senior year.
Young, agile, fashionable (by some standards at least), busy with the thoughts of what I would do with the rest of my life. Decisions that affect the rest of our lives can often become clouded when we are blinded by fear of what others will think of us - whether it be our parents, our friends or our teachers.
Within me was a need to understand the adult world into which I was about to embark. I felt foolish to think I was stepping into the adult world at such an age - in many parts of the world and throughout history, seventeen is within the realm of adulthood, as responsibility is established much earlier in life, following puberty at the age of 12 or 13. There was a great confusion in me to see my society putting such emphasis on acquiring wealth and prestige over acquiring a feeling of spiritual worth and understanding of true responsibility.
The concept of the senior prom frustrated me greatly. Many of my close friends were also disgusted with the idea of wasting their parents' money or their own money earned through weekend work, on a night of preening. To dress up and put one's self on display in a sort of inner-school fashion show seemed degrading.
Across the street from our school was an all-girl Catholic school. Many classes were shared between the two schools and it was not uncommon for students from each school to cross the street and take up a seat as a minority in a class of the opposite gender. Religion classes were almost always co-ed in the senior grades, as well as many arts and sciences classes.
It upset me to see some students behaving superior to others simply because they had girlfriends or boyfriends and others did not. It upset me to see friends quarrelling over who was taking who to the senior prom. It upset me to see peers who normally behaved rudely in class or to their friends, making big plans to put on a cummerbund in a pseudo attempt to be ?adult?. On the one hand behaving romantic and polite, planning to buy a corsage for their date, and on the other hand also planning to smuggle alcohol into the event then rent a hotel room for an opportunity to dishonor their date.
I made a firm intention in my mind to boycott the senior prom for these and other reasons. Adulthood, I felt, was not to come with irresponsibility and excessive waste. It is not synonymous with loud music and dancing. Of course there are those who do attend their senior prom with very pure intentions and hope to have a fairy tale evening, complete with non-alcoholic sparkling drinks and an opportunity to celebrate with close friends the closure of the high school era. However, there are many other more meaningful ways to prepare one's self for the adult world than just dressing up for a night and attending a gala party.
I recall hearing about the senior prom held at my school by peers who did attend. I saw some photographs and some of those pictures are locked forever in the pages of my school year-book. Images of people I once knew - huddled together in tuxedos, singing like drunken barroom buddies. The bow ties are crooked, the shirttails are out, the hair is ruffled. I pray that they eventually did find adulthood, during the many years that have passed since those pictures were taken.
I was not a Muslim when I boycotted my senior prom; Allah brought Islam into my life several years later. I was simply a young man who was tired of being irresponsible. I was tired of witnessing irresponsibility. I was desperate for a feeling of self-worth and fulfillment that I knew could not come from a few hours of loud music, a dance with a beautiful girl and a smuggled bottle of hard liquor. I would never suggest that I demonstrated angelic behavior during my days of jahilliya. We all have baggage in our closets - may Allah forgive us, but I did recognize what steps would lead a person to contentment and made every effort to implement those steps.
After leaving high school I met several other non-Muslim individuals during my travels who had also boycotted their own senior proms. We would sit and laugh about how good it felt to buck the system and refrain from taking part in activities that are based in total frivolity and irresponsibility.
Think of how much more meaningful it would be to spend an evening at a retirement residence with an elderly person who has a million stories to tell but no one to listen. Think of how much more there is to learn about life from volunteering an evening in a hospital ward for children, brightening the face of a child with a story or a song, than simply drinking punch in a dark hall under a disco ball. Imagine the feeling of spending only one hour at a soup kitchen, meeting the many men and women who sleep each night on the street while others waste money on lavish cars and rental clothes.
A Father-Daughter Tipsheet on Dealing with the High School Prom
A Father-Daughter Tipsheet on Dealing with the High School Prom
by Riaz Sayeed
Do you have a teenage daughter in her final year in school? Does she have friends who are preparing for their prom? Does she feel left out?
As parents of teenage daughters, we must deal with creating solutions for events in our daughter's lives, which do not conform to Islamic principles. If you have answered yes to any of the questions above, you are in that situation right now. This time of the year is very difficult for our daughters, who are attending coed public schools. How can we handle such events as proms, graduation parties, and other final year celebrations? Here are a few tips on this subject. Please feel free to add your suggestions to the list. We can all use and share our suggestions so we may help each other now and in the future.
1. Invite your daughter's friends over for a party at your house on a night other than the prom night, when they are available.
2. Offer to give your daughter a night to remember. Do something with her that she has never done before. For example: Take her on a dinner cruise the night of the prom. Let her invite her friends, so she can celebrate with them.
3. Offer to take her to an amusement park for the whole day. Let her invite her friends.
4. Do a mother/daughter day. For example: Spend the day with your daughter at a salon, then go shopping, and go to a restaurant.
5. Take her to a place she has never been to before. For example: On top of the Empire State Building in New York, and then explore New York.
6. Visit a university or college campus with her. Let her speak to the students there. Many universities have welcoming committees to show perspective students around campus. Don't forget to visit the student center.
7. Send her to visit her favorite relative for a few days.
8. Give her a special graduation present. Something she has wanted for a long time.
9. Give her a slumber party night at a hotel with her friends. Give her a choice of chaperones.
10. Offer her a limousine tour of the town with her friends.
These are just a few of the ideas that my daughter and I came up with. We are sure that if you sit down and discuss this with your daughters, you will be able to come up with several of your own ideas. Please remember to be consistent with your views with all your children of both genders.
by Riaz Sayeed
Do you have a teenage daughter in her final year in school? Does she have friends who are preparing for their prom? Does she feel left out?
As parents of teenage daughters, we must deal with creating solutions for events in our daughter's lives, which do not conform to Islamic principles. If you have answered yes to any of the questions above, you are in that situation right now. This time of the year is very difficult for our daughters, who are attending coed public schools. How can we handle such events as proms, graduation parties, and other final year celebrations? Here are a few tips on this subject. Please feel free to add your suggestions to the list. We can all use and share our suggestions so we may help each other now and in the future.
1. Invite your daughter's friends over for a party at your house on a night other than the prom night, when they are available.
2. Offer to give your daughter a night to remember. Do something with her that she has never done before. For example: Take her on a dinner cruise the night of the prom. Let her invite her friends, so she can celebrate with them.
3. Offer to take her to an amusement park for the whole day. Let her invite her friends.
4. Do a mother/daughter day. For example: Spend the day with your daughter at a salon, then go shopping, and go to a restaurant.
5. Take her to a place she has never been to before. For example: On top of the Empire State Building in New York, and then explore New York.
6. Visit a university or college campus with her. Let her speak to the students there. Many universities have welcoming committees to show perspective students around campus. Don't forget to visit the student center.
7. Send her to visit her favorite relative for a few days.
8. Give her a special graduation present. Something she has wanted for a long time.
9. Give her a slumber party night at a hotel with her friends. Give her a choice of chaperones.
10. Offer her a limousine tour of the town with her friends.
These are just a few of the ideas that my daughter and I came up with. We are sure that if you sit down and discuss this with your daughters, you will be able to come up with several of your own ideas. Please remember to be consistent with your views with all your children of both genders.
Twelve Tips for Muslim Youth
Twelve Tips for Muslim Youth
Why should you, a young Muslim, be helping to bring your friends closer to Allah '
After all, you've got your own struggles to deal with: trying to explain why you pray to hostile teachers, Hijab discrimination, standing up in class when the professor attacks Islam, dealing with parents who think you've gone nuts because you're growing a beard, or all the other difficulties faced by a number of practicing Muslim youth '
Islam was never meant to be an individualistic faith, reserved for the "chosen few". Muslims have a duty to spread the Deen, and practicing Muslim youth, whether beginners, activists or leaders have a crucial role to play.
"Allah has put them in a position that perhaps no one else is in," notes Sheema Khan, former Muslim Youth of North America (MYNA) advisor for eastern Canada. "They have the means to communicate with their peers, they have an understanding of what they're going through plus they have the guidance of Islam."
Who is your childhood friend, who would rather spend Fridays at MacDonald’s than the Masjid, or your classmate who is Muslim in name and only knows that "Muslims don't eat pork" going to listen to: the nice Imam of the Masjid who would freak out if he saw the way they were dressed and talked or you who may have grown up with them, joked with them, or see them everyday in school '
The answer is obvious: you.
Don't panic. Here are some tips and advice which can help from other Muslims, many of whom have been there and done that:
Tip # 1 : Make Your Intention Sincere
All work we do should ideally be for the sake of Allah. That includes the task of bringing someone closer to Allah. That of course means this should not be connected to arrogance, thinking you're the teacher and everyone else should be lucky you've embarked on a crusade to save them. Guidance is from Allah. Make Dua and make sincere efforts and remember Allah can also misguide you if He wills (we seek refuge in Allah from that).
Tip # 2 : Practice What You Preach
Not practicing what you preach is wrong and you will lose the confidence of anyone, young or old, once they figure you out. Don't do it.
Tip # 3 : Use The Quran & Seerah (biography of the Prphet peace be upon him) As Dawa Guides
Read and understand those chapters of the Quran which talk about how the Prophets presented the message of Islam to their people. Read the Seerah (for some good Seerah books)to see especially how the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) brought Islam to so many different people, including young people.
As well, talk to Dawa workers, and check out manuals they may have written, like Yahiya Emerick's How to Tell Others About Islam.
Tip # 4 : Talk To People As If You Really Dont Know Them
Don't assume you know someone just by looking at them. You don't know that the Muslim girl in your homeroom who walks through the school's hallways as if they were fashion show catwalks (see Ambe Rehman's perspective on this) is not someone you can talk to about Allah because she looks like a snob. Or that the Muslim guy who you've never seen at Juma at your university is a "bad Muslim". Maybe he was never really taught Islam and has no idea what importance Friday prayers have in Islam, especially for Muslim men.
Tip # 5 : Smile
Did you know the Prophet was big on smiling ' But many "practicing" Muslims seem to have "their faces on upside down" as one speaker once said-frowning and serious.
Smiling, being polite and kind are all part of the manners of the Prophet, which we must exercise in our daily lives. If we want to approach others with Islam, we have to make ourselves approachable. Smiling is key to this.
But note that being approachable does not mean being flirtations with the other gender. There are Islamic rules for how men and women should deal with each other which have to be respected. Dawa is no excuse to have long and private conversations and meetings with the other sex, for example. Set up a system where someone expressing an interest in Islam is referred to someone of the same sex.
Tip # 6 : Take The Initiative & Hang Out With Them
Take the first step and invite someone you may have spoken to a couple of times to sit at lunch together, to check out a hockey game or invite them over for Iftar in Ramadan. Also, share difficulties, sorrows and frustrations. Help with homework, be a shoulder to cry on when depression hits, or just plain listen when your friend is upset, discuss common problems and KEEP THEIR SECRETS. There are few things as annoying as a snitch and backstabber. But an important note: if the problem is of a serious nature,(i.e. your friend is thinking of committing suicide or is taking drugs), notify and consult an adult immediately.
Tip # 7 : Show Them Islam Is Relevent Today, Right Here, Right Now
Young people may think Islam is too "old fashioned" and not in tune with the modern age. Prove this wrong. Show how Islam is really about relating to Allah, which any human being can do, anywhere, anytime. Allah is always closer to you than your jugular vein and He hears and knows everything. Encourage friends to ask Allah's help during tests, exams, and in dealing with problems at home with parents and siblings. Also point out how Islam relates to teenagers: Islam gives you focus and an understanding of who you are and where you are going, which most of "teen culture" does not.
Tip # 8 : Get Them Involved In Volunteer Work With You
If you are already involved in the community, get your friend to help out. Ask them to make a flyer for one of your youth group's events or brainstorm for ideas about activities to hold this school year. This involvement makes them feel part of the Muslim community and deepens your friendship, since you are now working together on something beneficial for both of you. Make sure you thank them for their contribution.
Tip # 9 : Ask Them 4 Fundamental Questions
As your friendship develops, you will notice the topics you discuss may become more serious. You may be discussing, for instance, future goals and plans. Khan recommends four questions to ask that can steer the topic to Allah and Islam:
a. Where am I going in life and what would make me really happy deep down inside '
b. What do I believe '
c. Who should I be grateful to '
d. Did I get to where I am today without the help of anyone '
Tip # 10 : Emphasize Praying 5 Times A Day Before Any Other Aspect Of Islam
A person's main connection with Allah, on a daily basis, is through the prayer five times a day. Don't emphasize any other aspect of Islam until your friend starts making a real effort to pray five times a day. Emphasize the direct connection one has with Allah in prayer. If they are facing a problem, tell them to pray, and to ask Allah for help in Salah and outside this time. When possible, make it a point to pray together during your "hang out time". If your friend begins to pray, that is the first step to other aspects of Islam like giving up swearing, treating parents with respect or dressing Islamically.
Tip # 11 : Help Instill Confidence In Adults
Adults, like Bart Simpson's dad Homer, are considered bumbling idiots in the eyes of "teen culture". Your job as a young Muslim is to help turn the tables on this false and unIslamic belief. All you have to do is this: when a Muslim adult does something good (i.e. saving someone's life, donating money to a worthy cause, the Imam gives a good speech, taking good care of his/her family) bring it up in the course of your conversations with your friend and praise the adult in question. Doing this regularly may not only change your friend's perspective, but could lead to them seeing their own parents in a more respectful way.
Tip # 12 : Support Them Even When They Become More Practicing
Remember, just because a person starts practicing Islam more regularly, this does not mean everything will be okay from this point onwards. There will still be hard times, difficulties. There may be times when your friend may have doubts about his or her newfound practice of Islam. Be there to reassure them.
Why should you, a young Muslim, be helping to bring your friends closer to Allah '
After all, you've got your own struggles to deal with: trying to explain why you pray to hostile teachers, Hijab discrimination, standing up in class when the professor attacks Islam, dealing with parents who think you've gone nuts because you're growing a beard, or all the other difficulties faced by a number of practicing Muslim youth '
Islam was never meant to be an individualistic faith, reserved for the "chosen few". Muslims have a duty to spread the Deen, and practicing Muslim youth, whether beginners, activists or leaders have a crucial role to play.
"Allah has put them in a position that perhaps no one else is in," notes Sheema Khan, former Muslim Youth of North America (MYNA) advisor for eastern Canada. "They have the means to communicate with their peers, they have an understanding of what they're going through plus they have the guidance of Islam."
Who is your childhood friend, who would rather spend Fridays at MacDonald’s than the Masjid, or your classmate who is Muslim in name and only knows that "Muslims don't eat pork" going to listen to: the nice Imam of the Masjid who would freak out if he saw the way they were dressed and talked or you who may have grown up with them, joked with them, or see them everyday in school '
The answer is obvious: you.
Don't panic. Here are some tips and advice which can help from other Muslims, many of whom have been there and done that:
Tip # 1 : Make Your Intention Sincere
All work we do should ideally be for the sake of Allah. That includes the task of bringing someone closer to Allah. That of course means this should not be connected to arrogance, thinking you're the teacher and everyone else should be lucky you've embarked on a crusade to save them. Guidance is from Allah. Make Dua and make sincere efforts and remember Allah can also misguide you if He wills (we seek refuge in Allah from that).
Tip # 2 : Practice What You Preach
Not practicing what you preach is wrong and you will lose the confidence of anyone, young or old, once they figure you out. Don't do it.
Tip # 3 : Use The Quran & Seerah (biography of the Prphet peace be upon him) As Dawa Guides
Read and understand those chapters of the Quran which talk about how the Prophets presented the message of Islam to their people. Read the Seerah (for some good Seerah books)to see especially how the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) brought Islam to so many different people, including young people.
As well, talk to Dawa workers, and check out manuals they may have written, like Yahiya Emerick's How to Tell Others About Islam.
Tip # 4 : Talk To People As If You Really Dont Know Them
Don't assume you know someone just by looking at them. You don't know that the Muslim girl in your homeroom who walks through the school's hallways as if they were fashion show catwalks (see Ambe Rehman's perspective on this) is not someone you can talk to about Allah because she looks like a snob. Or that the Muslim guy who you've never seen at Juma at your university is a "bad Muslim". Maybe he was never really taught Islam and has no idea what importance Friday prayers have in Islam, especially for Muslim men.
Tip # 5 : Smile
Did you know the Prophet was big on smiling ' But many "practicing" Muslims seem to have "their faces on upside down" as one speaker once said-frowning and serious.
Smiling, being polite and kind are all part of the manners of the Prophet, which we must exercise in our daily lives. If we want to approach others with Islam, we have to make ourselves approachable. Smiling is key to this.
But note that being approachable does not mean being flirtations with the other gender. There are Islamic rules for how men and women should deal with each other which have to be respected. Dawa is no excuse to have long and private conversations and meetings with the other sex, for example. Set up a system where someone expressing an interest in Islam is referred to someone of the same sex.
Tip # 6 : Take The Initiative & Hang Out With Them
Take the first step and invite someone you may have spoken to a couple of times to sit at lunch together, to check out a hockey game or invite them over for Iftar in Ramadan. Also, share difficulties, sorrows and frustrations. Help with homework, be a shoulder to cry on when depression hits, or just plain listen when your friend is upset, discuss common problems and KEEP THEIR SECRETS. There are few things as annoying as a snitch and backstabber. But an important note: if the problem is of a serious nature,(i.e. your friend is thinking of committing suicide or is taking drugs), notify and consult an adult immediately.
Tip # 7 : Show Them Islam Is Relevent Today, Right Here, Right Now
Young people may think Islam is too "old fashioned" and not in tune with the modern age. Prove this wrong. Show how Islam is really about relating to Allah, which any human being can do, anywhere, anytime. Allah is always closer to you than your jugular vein and He hears and knows everything. Encourage friends to ask Allah's help during tests, exams, and in dealing with problems at home with parents and siblings. Also point out how Islam relates to teenagers: Islam gives you focus and an understanding of who you are and where you are going, which most of "teen culture" does not.
Tip # 8 : Get Them Involved In Volunteer Work With You
If you are already involved in the community, get your friend to help out. Ask them to make a flyer for one of your youth group's events or brainstorm for ideas about activities to hold this school year. This involvement makes them feel part of the Muslim community and deepens your friendship, since you are now working together on something beneficial for both of you. Make sure you thank them for their contribution.
Tip # 9 : Ask Them 4 Fundamental Questions
As your friendship develops, you will notice the topics you discuss may become more serious. You may be discussing, for instance, future goals and plans. Khan recommends four questions to ask that can steer the topic to Allah and Islam:
a. Where am I going in life and what would make me really happy deep down inside '
b. What do I believe '
c. Who should I be grateful to '
d. Did I get to where I am today without the help of anyone '
Tip # 10 : Emphasize Praying 5 Times A Day Before Any Other Aspect Of Islam
A person's main connection with Allah, on a daily basis, is through the prayer five times a day. Don't emphasize any other aspect of Islam until your friend starts making a real effort to pray five times a day. Emphasize the direct connection one has with Allah in prayer. If they are facing a problem, tell them to pray, and to ask Allah for help in Salah and outside this time. When possible, make it a point to pray together during your "hang out time". If your friend begins to pray, that is the first step to other aspects of Islam like giving up swearing, treating parents with respect or dressing Islamically.
Tip # 11 : Help Instill Confidence In Adults
Adults, like Bart Simpson's dad Homer, are considered bumbling idiots in the eyes of "teen culture". Your job as a young Muslim is to help turn the tables on this false and unIslamic belief. All you have to do is this: when a Muslim adult does something good (i.e. saving someone's life, donating money to a worthy cause, the Imam gives a good speech, taking good care of his/her family) bring it up in the course of your conversations with your friend and praise the adult in question. Doing this regularly may not only change your friend's perspective, but could lead to them seeing their own parents in a more respectful way.
Tip # 12 : Support Them Even When They Become More Practicing
Remember, just because a person starts practicing Islam more regularly, this does not mean everything will be okay from this point onwards. There will still be hard times, difficulties. There may be times when your friend may have doubts about his or her newfound practice of Islam. Be there to reassure them.
Friday, 4 March 2011
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